I hate it when things creep up on you with little or no warning. I hate it even more when you suspect it is sneaking up from behind and you let it keep on coming! I don't know about you but it makes me angry that I let it occur.
I have had several setbacks in my journey to lose weight. I am six months behind my goal. That in itself is bad enough, but even worse, I have actually gained weight. I find that very, very, frustrating.
When I talked to my lap-band doc, he assured me that the first year is learning how to live with the band. He told me that most people stabilize their weight after two years. Well, I am telling you straight up that I didn't go through all this just to lose 30-40 pounds!
I know that when you have unexpected illnesses, it can mess with your system(s) and throw you off kilter. I certainly have had that the last couple of years. And even though a big bunch of those setbacks were a direct result of me weighing too darn much, I felt good about at least checking them off my "what is wrong with me today?" list. One down, how many more to go?
But the biggest thing that makes me feel stupid is the fact that I allowed myself to be convinced that the lap-band was the panacea of all that needed to be fixed. I absolutely, positively knew better. I have known this is about lifestyle changes. And I knew my BFF wouldn't be down here to slap me silly when I strayed, and that I was the one that HAD to be in control. So why didn't I control it??
My first excuse was I had no money, so the stress of it made me eat more. But... if I had no money, how did I have the means to buy the wrong foods to eat? Huh? Answer me THAT one! And if it was so depressing, how was I able to get off my depression medicine and feel good? Well, I shot that excuse right out of the water.
I got a job and I don't have time to exercise and eat right. Part of that is true. But the bigger truth is I haven't made an effort to figure it out. When I could go home for lunch, it was easier, but then I started working longer hours and eating fast food, and not exercising at all. Big Mistake.
So now I have a legitimate excuse in that my arthritis is raging out of control. BUT... doesn't exercising and eating properly help control the arthritis? So again, that ship ain't sailing.
In truth, THAT happened because I let it happen. My fault. Nobody else's. I knew I was eating too much, I ignored the warning signs, and I kept on doing what I had always done.
And I have gotten exactly what I have always gotten. Wrong Choices.
I now have nine months to lose the weight I wanted to lose. Another swimsuit season approaching, and I need to remind myself that I cannot yet buy that smaller sized suit I had hoped to buy. I need to change that, change the way I use long work hours as an excuse, and I need to quit making poor choices.
And here is what I need from YOU, dear readers! An occasional slap upside the head! WAKE UP, CINDY!
Yep, I need that, and I absolutely know that more than one of my friends have been anxiously awaiting the chance to do just that.
Bring it on, pals...
