What? I'm Fat? Duh!

It took numerous trips to the doctor over a period of two years to finally find the real problem. I had found a personal physician that actually listened to what I said and didn't just act the superior and brush me off as a hypochondriac. He calls me his "problem child" even though I probably should be his "problem grandmother". Maybe that's a little harsh. "Problem mother" sounds better.

I knew he was concerned with my weight, but since I had bigger issues that was a subject that he did not bring up every single time I went to see him. He is an avid sportsman, so I joked and commented that I had paid for his latest bow. His response was to tell me it was a fly rod. I can't tell you how glad I was to have accommodated him....

Once I got over two major heart surgeries (one to fix the aneurysm, the other an inflammation as a result of the first surgery), he waited about six months before he broached the subject again. It started off as a you might wanna consider lap band if you can't do it yourself to you know, almost all of your problems go away if you would just lose the weight. I knew he was right but nothing I did helped me lose more than a few pounds, which I would gain back with the first dessert I ate.

When you are fat, it is a vicious circle. People think that you are a slob, pig, don't care, ugly, yadda yadda yadda. They pretend that we can't read their minds, but we know. So you diet, try every single one out there, buy books, join groups. But when you are 4-F, hey nuthin' works! Then, since you were active in your younger days, your knees give you so much trouble that you have to have a real good motivater to make you get out and exercise them. And, you realize that you may need to be on the Biggest Loser, but hey, I know I would personally ram my fist in Jillian's perfect little tummy the first time she got in my face. So then, you think, ok, when your book takes off, you can 1) go to a health spa for 6 weeks or 2) hire Oprah's personal trainer/chef. But wait, didn't I say in my last posting that I needed to lose weight before my book gets popular so I won't look like a fat cow on tv? Therein, folks, lies the vicious circle. Circle up, fat cells! I am a 4-F SWF. I have issues!

So because Doc, my conservative one, says you ought to look at lap band, you begin to think that since he saved your life twice in a month that perhaps he knows what he is talking about, and maybe I should listen. Besides, seeing morbidly obese as your diagnosis...well I could live with the obese, but the morbidly part? Gives you pause.

I talked to a couple of friends who had been through it. And I got brave and made the call.

When I got to the office, two skinny people were just leaving. OK, that's me in a year or so. While I was waiting two HUGE people walked in. I thought hey, I am not nearly that bad, so maybe I won't qualify. Their clothes could barely fit, they could barely breathe, and wore flip flops because their feet were swollen and fat..  I know I don't look like that. I accessorize my flip flops. I don't look like that.

Or do I?

Is that what people thought when they saw me?

They called me in...

When Your Life Turns Upside Down, New Thoughts Turn UP

I have been single all of my life. Not from lack of trying, but lots of bad luck. Some of it was not my fault, but much of it was of my own making, and now as I am older, my own choice. It was a normal life, with good times and bad ones, until I moved from a paid for house at the lake to take up island living with my first ever mortgage. I should tell you that I didn't do that until I was 55 years old.

I built a house during  the late summer and early fall of 2005. If you live along the Gulf Coast, you remember that as THE year in which many peoples' lives were upended. I was lucky; no hurricanes hit my beach. But having so many strike so close to home had me thinking that I was in the early stages of dementia or just plain stupid for wanting to live on the Gulf Coast...on an island!

Life continued in its hectic way for the next few years. But in 2009, I experienced a life changing event. I have had lots of nuisance illnesses over the years, but this one was the biggie. Remember the late actor John Ritter? Yep, I got what he had. And, apparently I had for quite a long time without knowing about it. An aneurysm between your heart and lungs, in your aorta, gives you an awful lot to think about. I survived it with more than a little help from my friends, but I realized my heart, no pun intended, just wasn't into working anymore. So, I retired a year earlier than anticipated, and tried to figure out what to do next.

I ended up writing a book, called I'll Be There...  You can find it on my website http://www.cynthiaeckhart.com/. Then dreaming about all the money I was going to make, I realized that I was not ready to be seen in public! I must lose weight, and fast. Since I had been trying on my own for many years with no success, I have decided to get lap-band surgery. And that is what has prompted this blog.

So, as my journey begins, I am going to share it with all. Successes, Failures, Doubts, Joys. And as I change my physical side perhaps my emotional side will also change.

A few years ago, I thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out it was my gall bladder. The nurse looked at me and said, "Oh yeah, it's gall bladder. You're 4-F."  I wanted to cry when she explained it to me:

Fair (okay, I am blond by bottle)
Fat (she could have been a little more diplomatic)
Fifty (not only fat but getting old??)
and
wait for it....
Flatulent (OMG I GOT GAS!!)

No wonder I am still a SWF...