What? I'm Fat? Duh!

It took numerous trips to the doctor over a period of two years to finally find the real problem. I had found a personal physician that actually listened to what I said and didn't just act the superior and brush me off as a hypochondriac. He calls me his "problem child" even though I probably should be his "problem grandmother". Maybe that's a little harsh. "Problem mother" sounds better.

I knew he was concerned with my weight, but since I had bigger issues that was a subject that he did not bring up every single time I went to see him. He is an avid sportsman, so I joked and commented that I had paid for his latest bow. His response was to tell me it was a fly rod. I can't tell you how glad I was to have accommodated him....

Once I got over two major heart surgeries (one to fix the aneurysm, the other an inflammation as a result of the first surgery), he waited about six months before he broached the subject again. It started off as a you might wanna consider lap band if you can't do it yourself to you know, almost all of your problems go away if you would just lose the weight. I knew he was right but nothing I did helped me lose more than a few pounds, which I would gain back with the first dessert I ate.

When you are fat, it is a vicious circle. People think that you are a slob, pig, don't care, ugly, yadda yadda yadda. They pretend that we can't read their minds, but we know. So you diet, try every single one out there, buy books, join groups. But when you are 4-F, hey nuthin' works! Then, since you were active in your younger days, your knees give you so much trouble that you have to have a real good motivater to make you get out and exercise them. And, you realize that you may need to be on the Biggest Loser, but hey, I know I would personally ram my fist in Jillian's perfect little tummy the first time she got in my face. So then, you think, ok, when your book takes off, you can 1) go to a health spa for 6 weeks or 2) hire Oprah's personal trainer/chef. But wait, didn't I say in my last posting that I needed to lose weight before my book gets popular so I won't look like a fat cow on tv? Therein, folks, lies the vicious circle. Circle up, fat cells! I am a 4-F SWF. I have issues!

So because Doc, my conservative one, says you ought to look at lap band, you begin to think that since he saved your life twice in a month that perhaps he knows what he is talking about, and maybe I should listen. Besides, seeing morbidly obese as your diagnosis...well I could live with the obese, but the morbidly part? Gives you pause.

I talked to a couple of friends who had been through it. And I got brave and made the call.

When I got to the office, two skinny people were just leaving. OK, that's me in a year or so. While I was waiting two HUGE people walked in. I thought hey, I am not nearly that bad, so maybe I won't qualify. Their clothes could barely fit, they could barely breathe, and wore flip flops because their feet were swollen and fat..  I know I don't look like that. I accessorize my flip flops. I don't look like that.

Or do I?

Is that what people thought when they saw me?

They called me in...