I received an unusual birthday gift last week. It wasn't unexpected, but I was not truly prepared for the magnitude of the gift. No, it wasn't the realization that I was turning 60. It was the printed version of my diet plan for the next few weeks.
I had a final meeting with the dietitian that will also serve as my dietary liaison during my adjustment period. My surgery is set for mid January, and prior to that I need to "shrink" the fat out of my liver in order to make the surgery easier. You ideally want to lose 20 pounds fairly rapidly, so you are given a very strict liquid protein diet regimen to follow. I decided that since I have been very naughty this holiday season I had better start early! I really need to clean the inner house that is me.
In order to make this successful, I first needed to clean my outer house and remove all temptations. I started with the pantry. It was pretty good with the exception of the pancake makings. But it was almost gone, so not too bad a problem there. The crackers and wafers were stale, so they were tossed in the trash. Spaghetti pasta - well if I push it way back on the top shelf it will be out of sight and hopefully out of mind.
The fridge and freezer was a whole different ballgame. I looked at all the butters and jams that I loved so much on toast and biscuits. I kept one jar of apple butter for company, the rest was either given to friends or tossed. The egg nog was getting old, so it won't be missed. Mayonnaise, real and lite, gone. Biscuits, canned and frozen, gone. Baking potatoes, ditto.
The Christmas cookies that I still had left from my binge eating, put in baggies in the freezer and buried under the frozen meats that I hope will still be good in another month.
I cooked the last Texas-sized ribeye as a birthday gift to me. I cooked the ham for Christmas, but did save the bone for homemade soup when I am allowed to have more solid food. I still have a few bacon and eggs to devour before January 5th. Of course, that won't do much for my head start dieting.
I have learned one thing since starting this journey. If I crave it, I absolutely cannot have it where I can easily reach it. I have NO willpower, but since the grocery store is eight miles OTB (over the bridge to the mainland) it is much easier to resist the temptation to go out and buy some more. There has not been a bag of chips in my house since before Thanksgiving, and the last of the sodas will be gone by New Years.
Aside from chewing actual food, I think I am going to miss my Zero Coke the most. Can't have carbonation, since it stretches the stomach, which is a no-no!
So my outer house cleaning is definitely going to help clean my inner house. I wonder how long it will be before I can be a 2F? I already lost one F if you count hair color, since I am no longer a true blond after my last trip to the stylist.
Wow, going down to a 2F will mean some serious shopping. I had better get that job sooner than later. That'll be fun!
I may still be a SWF, but I am gonna get me some style!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
A New "Do" Does Not Make a New "You"
As Christmas Day approaches, I am more determined than ever to start my New Year on December 26th. I need to seriously commit to losing weight before my mid-January surgery, and I need to shed my old eating habits. This is difficult this week because I am so broke that I decided that the only gifts I could give were cookies that I made. But, since I haven't baked in a very long time, I just simply had to sample one from each batch to ensure quality control. And since I have no self control I now must make my way back to the grocery store for more cookie fixings. Can't blame this one on the Cookie Monster!
I did take a day off last week for an appointment with my hair stylist because my roots were showing up more than my highlights! I was very naturally blonde until around twenty or so, and my hair has gotten darker every year since. I started highlighting by the time I turned thirty, and have been a proud blonde ever since. Of course, since I turn sixty tomorrow, I still consider the blonde streaks as keeping me light headed instead of hiding my gray hair. But I digress...
This time I decided that in addition to a new cut, I also needed a little perking up for the new me. I decided to put a little golden-red streaks in with the other highlights. Except when it came out, for some reason my hair turned more pink than either blonde or red. I may be turning sixty but I am sooo not ready for pink curls! So, in order to fix the pink we put on a more auburn rinse, but we kept needing more and more until suddenly there was no blonde left. Therefore, the new me is now a coppery redhead!
With a new hair color comes some unforseen problems that only us girls will understand. You guys simply don't care. But we girls buy clothes and makeup to match our colors. Since I had been a blonde for thirty years, I was not prepared for how much my red Christmas shirts clashed with my hair! And we won't even talk about the lipstick shades. And anything I buy now will be too big for me in a few months.
I went for a job interview today. My bed is full of discarded tops that simply didn't go with the new me/do. The school that I last taught at had purple and gold as their spirit colors, so my closet is full of purple "things." And no offense all you true "red hatters" but purple and red combos do absolutely nothing for me.
I finally found something I could wear but then realized that I needed to find a different shade of lip gloss. Thank heavens I didn't succumb to my thinking that I should throw out all those old tubes of Avon! New eyeshadow color is now on my grocery list, right next to the sugar cookie mix.
My friends have had mixed emotions. Some love it, some hate it, and still a few others state that it doesn't matter. And it occurred to me that Mr. Spock was right. A difference that makes no difference IS no difference. New hair didn't make me a different person. And neither will lap-band make me different. What will be different is the (mis)perceptions that I have as to how people will view me. But I am now beginning to realize that this is MY problem, not theirs. The family and friends that matter the most will love me no matter what I look like, and they realize I am doing this not to change my looks but to improve my health.
Of course, it has taken quite a few cookies to realize that.
Oh well, the grocery store is just over the bridge!
Merry Christmas, everybody!
I did take a day off last week for an appointment with my hair stylist because my roots were showing up more than my highlights! I was very naturally blonde until around twenty or so, and my hair has gotten darker every year since. I started highlighting by the time I turned thirty, and have been a proud blonde ever since. Of course, since I turn sixty tomorrow, I still consider the blonde streaks as keeping me light headed instead of hiding my gray hair. But I digress...
This time I decided that in addition to a new cut, I also needed a little perking up for the new me. I decided to put a little golden-red streaks in with the other highlights. Except when it came out, for some reason my hair turned more pink than either blonde or red. I may be turning sixty but I am sooo not ready for pink curls! So, in order to fix the pink we put on a more auburn rinse, but we kept needing more and more until suddenly there was no blonde left. Therefore, the new me is now a coppery redhead!
With a new hair color comes some unforseen problems that only us girls will understand. You guys simply don't care. But we girls buy clothes and makeup to match our colors. Since I had been a blonde for thirty years, I was not prepared for how much my red Christmas shirts clashed with my hair! And we won't even talk about the lipstick shades. And anything I buy now will be too big for me in a few months.
I went for a job interview today. My bed is full of discarded tops that simply didn't go with the new me/do. The school that I last taught at had purple and gold as their spirit colors, so my closet is full of purple "things." And no offense all you true "red hatters" but purple and red combos do absolutely nothing for me.
I finally found something I could wear but then realized that I needed to find a different shade of lip gloss. Thank heavens I didn't succumb to my thinking that I should throw out all those old tubes of Avon! New eyeshadow color is now on my grocery list, right next to the sugar cookie mix.
My friends have had mixed emotions. Some love it, some hate it, and still a few others state that it doesn't matter. And it occurred to me that Mr. Spock was right. A difference that makes no difference IS no difference. New hair didn't make me a different person. And neither will lap-band make me different. What will be different is the (mis)perceptions that I have as to how people will view me. But I am now beginning to realize that this is MY problem, not theirs. The family and friends that matter the most will love me no matter what I look like, and they realize I am doing this not to change my looks but to improve my health.
Of course, it has taken quite a few cookies to realize that.
Oh well, the grocery store is just over the bridge!
Merry Christmas, everybody!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tis the Season to Be Cleaning
Most of the rest of the country knows when winter arrives. They don't need a calendar; they only have to look out their front door. But it's a little different down in the South, and especially here on Padre Island.
We look out the door and wonder when our plants will stop growing until spring and are we going to have to call the lawn guy for still another trim. Our snow is usually in the form of blowing sand. Stings as bad, but hey, we get a free facial from the biting sand, and our glow and rosy red cheeks are considered healthy. We don't hardly ever worry about frostbite.
That being said, most of us have decided to turn off the air conditioning and let a little fresh air in during the day. Since I had indeed done just that, I was very comfortable in my lounger watching Christmas movies and occasionally checking on the football scores. It was a very relaxing day..... and then I had to look up!
The amount of the dust and dirt on my now-turned-off ceiling fans was horrendous. Those that know me understand that house cleaning is not really my forte, and that I only seriously clean when even I cannot stand it! So you can imagine how bad it was if I had to use the word "horrendous" to describe them. I decided that Monday was not going to be wash day but dust day.
Now when you are a SWF, this is the time that you really miss not having a man around. The high ceilings require me to get up on a ladder to reach the fans. And because I am a short 4-F I must climb up a little higher than is comfortable for me, especially for my weight and age. I fell off a ladder once, right over the soft grass covering the septic tank. It was then that I learned that Erma Bombeck was right when she said the grass was always greener there! But I also fell down the school stairs (from my own carelessness and inattention) right before I retired, and I know how painful that is when there is no green grass.
Nevertheless, I was determined to do what I set out to do and to prove to all the nay-sayers that I may be turning 60 but I am still self-sufficient. However, being a little chicken about heights, I only went up to the second step, which was not high enough to be above the fans. I stretched and dusted as best I could, but then the trouble began.
What I want to know is this: how did all those rabbits get in to create all those dust bunnies?? Or maybe it was the blizzard of the Great Lakes that decided to come visit us at the beach. I only knew that it was sooo heavy that I couldn't see. I swiped the duster across a blade, then ducked as those bunnies decided to bounce onto the couch. I was coughing and waving so much that I forgot I was standing on the ladder.
Fortunately I caught myself before I fell off, but then I looked at the eggplant purple couch. Somehow the dirty gray didn't exactly match, so I climbed off the ladder and cleaned the couch only to remember that I had only dusted the first blade.
So it went for the next half hour as I cleaned the fans. Which leads me to the gist of this musing. One act begets another, and another, and so forth. Cause and Effect. Now I must re-dust the furniture, clean the floors and rugs, and since one fan was near the kitchen, clean the dirty dust that stuck to everything around it because of a layer of grease from cooking. By this time you realize you might as well go all the way and clean the entire house.
So it is with eating and food choices. Each choice we make with the food we eat has a cause and effect relationship with you and your body. Bored? Reach for the chips. Stressed? Zero Coke works for me. Ashamed? Well, don't let anybody see you eating those oatmeal raisin cookies. And after many years of this behavior, you think that it doesn't make one bit of difference what you eat anymore because you have done it all wrong for years and why stop now?
I go see the lap-band surgeon in a couple of days. I think that I will start the "cleaning' of my body and eating habits. Before the surgery, you must go on a 2 week meal(s) replacement regimin to make the surgery easier (more on that next time).
I tried to be "good" during Thanksgiving, cooking more healthy, but it only lasted a few days. Temptations are tough this time of year. You meet with friends for snacks and drinks. Want a little something in that eggnog? Indulge, it only happens once a year! And did your mama happen to make her world famous cheesecake dessert? Oh yeah, I am going to that party for sure.
Because I don't have to worry about those extra pounds. They are going to start disappearing soon. My cleaning time is about to really begin. And from that point on, I will be in a permanent cleaning mode. No more seasonal weaknesses. No more binges. Only sensible choices can be made if you want to be successful with the lap-band.
Yep, tis the season to be cleanining. Fa La La La La - La La La - BLAH!
We look out the door and wonder when our plants will stop growing until spring and are we going to have to call the lawn guy for still another trim. Our snow is usually in the form of blowing sand. Stings as bad, but hey, we get a free facial from the biting sand, and our glow and rosy red cheeks are considered healthy. We don't hardly ever worry about frostbite.
That being said, most of us have decided to turn off the air conditioning and let a little fresh air in during the day. Since I had indeed done just that, I was very comfortable in my lounger watching Christmas movies and occasionally checking on the football scores. It was a very relaxing day..... and then I had to look up!
The amount of the dust and dirt on my now-turned-off ceiling fans was horrendous. Those that know me understand that house cleaning is not really my forte, and that I only seriously clean when even I cannot stand it! So you can imagine how bad it was if I had to use the word "horrendous" to describe them. I decided that Monday was not going to be wash day but dust day.
Now when you are a SWF, this is the time that you really miss not having a man around. The high ceilings require me to get up on a ladder to reach the fans. And because I am a short 4-F I must climb up a little higher than is comfortable for me, especially for my weight and age. I fell off a ladder once, right over the soft grass covering the septic tank. It was then that I learned that Erma Bombeck was right when she said the grass was always greener there! But I also fell down the school stairs (from my own carelessness and inattention) right before I retired, and I know how painful that is when there is no green grass.
Nevertheless, I was determined to do what I set out to do and to prove to all the nay-sayers that I may be turning 60 but I am still self-sufficient. However, being a little chicken about heights, I only went up to the second step, which was not high enough to be above the fans. I stretched and dusted as best I could, but then the trouble began.
What I want to know is this: how did all those rabbits get in to create all those dust bunnies?? Or maybe it was the blizzard of the Great Lakes that decided to come visit us at the beach. I only knew that it was sooo heavy that I couldn't see. I swiped the duster across a blade, then ducked as those bunnies decided to bounce onto the couch. I was coughing and waving so much that I forgot I was standing on the ladder.
Fortunately I caught myself before I fell off, but then I looked at the eggplant purple couch. Somehow the dirty gray didn't exactly match, so I climbed off the ladder and cleaned the couch only to remember that I had only dusted the first blade.
So it went for the next half hour as I cleaned the fans. Which leads me to the gist of this musing. One act begets another, and another, and so forth. Cause and Effect. Now I must re-dust the furniture, clean the floors and rugs, and since one fan was near the kitchen, clean the dirty dust that stuck to everything around it because of a layer of grease from cooking. By this time you realize you might as well go all the way and clean the entire house.
So it is with eating and food choices. Each choice we make with the food we eat has a cause and effect relationship with you and your body. Bored? Reach for the chips. Stressed? Zero Coke works for me. Ashamed? Well, don't let anybody see you eating those oatmeal raisin cookies. And after many years of this behavior, you think that it doesn't make one bit of difference what you eat anymore because you have done it all wrong for years and why stop now?
I go see the lap-band surgeon in a couple of days. I think that I will start the "cleaning' of my body and eating habits. Before the surgery, you must go on a 2 week meal(s) replacement regimin to make the surgery easier (more on that next time).
I tried to be "good" during Thanksgiving, cooking more healthy, but it only lasted a few days. Temptations are tough this time of year. You meet with friends for snacks and drinks. Want a little something in that eggnog? Indulge, it only happens once a year! And did your mama happen to make her world famous cheesecake dessert? Oh yeah, I am going to that party for sure.
Because I don't have to worry about those extra pounds. They are going to start disappearing soon. My cleaning time is about to really begin. And from that point on, I will be in a permanent cleaning mode. No more seasonal weaknesses. No more binges. Only sensible choices can be made if you want to be successful with the lap-band.
Yep, tis the season to be cleanining. Fa La La La La - La La La - BLAH!
Monday, December 6, 2010
The Waiting Game
Have you ever noticed how much time you spend waiting? I have been thinking about that an awful lot lately. I waited to find out what was wrong with me. Then I waited until they could schedule time to fix it. Waited until I got better, until I could retire until....
We wait, and we wait, and wait.
I was sitting in the ferry line this morning, waiting for the barge to cross and unload its cargo so I could get on it and wait until we got to the other side. I was on my way to Portland to give some of my books to a quaint little shop called Books Ink. It was to be the first one to carry my book. I was excited, and wanted the waiting to be over with. But then, a weird thing happened.
The dolphins were playing in the wake. They were in no hurry. They were just having fun. And it occurred to me how very lucky they were. They were safe in the waterway. They didn't have to wait for boats. They could go around or under it. They didn't have to worry about their health when they were in the crossing area. People watched over them. They simply just existed in the moment. Why can't we humans be that carefree?
I have always been a hurry up and get 'er done kind of person. So this waiting to lose weight is beginning to take its toll on my resolve. I find myself shopping and seeing a top that I really want, only to realize if I spend some of my money on it now, I will hopefully only be able to wear it a couple of months. Better to wait.
I find myself planning what I really want to eat a lot of before I can't have it for a while. And let me remind you, it is the holiday season... parties, get-togethers, etc! I reach for that extra chip, and believe me when I tell you I do NOT wait to plop it in my mouth. Then, after I have gobbled it down, I remind myself that I need to lose those two pounds I lost before Thanksgiving, plus the two pounds gained after the Big Meal, and oh, wait a minute, I have to do that by the 15th!
I so want to be like the dolphins - happy and carefree. It's hard to do when you are severely overweight, and you have a guilt trip every time you turn around. And your friends try to be supportive when you tell them you'd better not eat that, but watching them eat and enjoy doesn't make me happy.
And it reminds me that I WILL have to wait to see results. I didn't gain this fat overnight, and it ain't gonna fall off in a month. Waiting is going to be hard. That is where my support group is going to help. And the key will be to stay busy, exercise, use common sense in eating. What you eat as well as how much you eat.
If you are patient, it will happen. If you follow the rules, it will happen. If you lose weight, you will be happy. And as much as I tell myself that I am happy with my body, deep down I know it is a lie. I want to be able to shop in a regular size shop, not the women's section. I want to be able to walk a block without my knees killing me. I want to be happy enough that I want to exercise and get the endorphins pumping and flowing. I want to have people look at me and grin at how much weight I have lost. God help me, I think I even want them to be envious!
Only another few weeks and the hard part starts. In the mean time, I guess it is back to the exercise bike to try to lose those extra holiday pounds.
I can't wait!
We wait, and we wait, and wait.
I was sitting in the ferry line this morning, waiting for the barge to cross and unload its cargo so I could get on it and wait until we got to the other side. I was on my way to Portland to give some of my books to a quaint little shop called Books Ink. It was to be the first one to carry my book. I was excited, and wanted the waiting to be over with. But then, a weird thing happened.
The dolphins were playing in the wake. They were in no hurry. They were just having fun. And it occurred to me how very lucky they were. They were safe in the waterway. They didn't have to wait for boats. They could go around or under it. They didn't have to worry about their health when they were in the crossing area. People watched over them. They simply just existed in the moment. Why can't we humans be that carefree?
I have always been a hurry up and get 'er done kind of person. So this waiting to lose weight is beginning to take its toll on my resolve. I find myself shopping and seeing a top that I really want, only to realize if I spend some of my money on it now, I will hopefully only be able to wear it a couple of months. Better to wait.
I find myself planning what I really want to eat a lot of before I can't have it for a while. And let me remind you, it is the holiday season... parties, get-togethers, etc! I reach for that extra chip, and believe me when I tell you I do NOT wait to plop it in my mouth. Then, after I have gobbled it down, I remind myself that I need to lose those two pounds I lost before Thanksgiving, plus the two pounds gained after the Big Meal, and oh, wait a minute, I have to do that by the 15th!
I so want to be like the dolphins - happy and carefree. It's hard to do when you are severely overweight, and you have a guilt trip every time you turn around. And your friends try to be supportive when you tell them you'd better not eat that, but watching them eat and enjoy doesn't make me happy.
And it reminds me that I WILL have to wait to see results. I didn't gain this fat overnight, and it ain't gonna fall off in a month. Waiting is going to be hard. That is where my support group is going to help. And the key will be to stay busy, exercise, use common sense in eating. What you eat as well as how much you eat.
If you are patient, it will happen. If you follow the rules, it will happen. If you lose weight, you will be happy. And as much as I tell myself that I am happy with my body, deep down I know it is a lie. I want to be able to shop in a regular size shop, not the women's section. I want to be able to walk a block without my knees killing me. I want to be happy enough that I want to exercise and get the endorphins pumping and flowing. I want to have people look at me and grin at how much weight I have lost. God help me, I think I even want them to be envious!
Only another few weeks and the hard part starts. In the mean time, I guess it is back to the exercise bike to try to lose those extra holiday pounds.
I can't wait!
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