The Waiting Game

Have you ever noticed how much time you spend waiting? I have been thinking about that an awful lot lately. I waited to find out what was wrong with me. Then I waited until they could schedule time to fix it. Waited until I got better, until I could retire until....

We wait, and we wait, and wait.

I was sitting in the ferry line this morning, waiting for the barge to cross and unload its cargo so I could get on it and wait until we got to the other side. I was on my way to Portland to give some of my books to a quaint little shop called Books Ink. It was to be the first one to carry my book. I was excited, and wanted the waiting to be over with. But then, a weird thing happened.

The dolphins were playing in the wake. They were in no hurry. They were just having fun. And it occurred to me how very lucky they were. They were safe in the waterway. They didn't have to wait for boats. They could go around or under it. They didn't have to worry about their health when they were in the crossing area. People watched over them. They simply just existed in the moment. Why can't we humans be that carefree?

I have always been a hurry up and get 'er done kind of person. So this waiting to lose weight is beginning to take its toll on my resolve. I find myself shopping and seeing a top that I really want, only to realize if I spend some of my money on it now, I will hopefully only be able to wear it a couple of months. Better to wait.

I find myself planning what I really want to eat a lot of before I can't have it for a while. And let me remind you, it is the holiday season... parties, get-togethers, etc! I reach for that extra chip, and believe me when I tell  you I do NOT wait to plop it in my mouth.  Then, after I have gobbled it down, I remind myself that I need to lose those two pounds I lost before Thanksgiving, plus the two pounds gained after the Big Meal, and oh, wait a minute, I have to do that by the 15th!

I so want to be like the dolphins - happy and carefree.  It's hard to do when you are severely overweight, and you have a guilt trip every time you turn around. And your friends try to be supportive when you tell them you'd better not eat that, but watching them eat and enjoy doesn't make me happy.

And it reminds me that I WILL have to wait to see results. I didn't gain this fat overnight, and it ain't gonna fall off in a month. Waiting is going to be hard. That is where my support group is going to help. And the key will be to stay busy, exercise, use common sense in eating. What you eat as well as how much you eat.

If you are patient, it will happen. If you follow the rules, it will happen. If you lose weight, you will be happy. And as much as I tell myself that I am happy with my body, deep down I know it is a lie. I want to be able to shop in a regular size shop, not the women's section. I want to be able to walk a block without my knees killing me. I want to be happy enough that I want to exercise and get the endorphins pumping and flowing. I want to have people look at me and grin at how much weight I have lost. God help me, I think I even want them to be envious!

Only another few weeks and the hard part starts. In the mean time, I guess it is back to the exercise bike to try to lose those extra holiday pounds.

I can't wait!