I am not an overly religious person. I don't regularly go to church. But I have found myself thinking more and more about God and his presence in my life. And how He has always known where to send me.
Even when I was younger and a regular church goer, I don't think I saw the church as anything more than an institution. A place where some people just went to see and be seen. I have always known that my beliefs come from deep within, and that I didn't have to be in a formal house to have a moment to talk to Him.
I have been blessed these last few years, especially since my life was spared from the about-to-burst aneurysm. I recognized it then, laying in the intensive care, listening to what was going on around me when they thought I was asleep. I knew He saved my life for a purpose, and I have been truly struggling to find out the real reason for it. I still haven't found out the total why, but I have found out what it is I should NOT worry about.
I took a job last year because I felt I was desperate for money. I had lots of bills to pay; the publishing of my book was expensive, and it ain't cheap living on an island here in the states. Taxes and insurance take a HUGE bite out of my income. But I didn't move here to be rich, just retired! However, I let the idea of needing more money dictate my sanity. And guess what? It didn't work! Instead, it began to take my soul.
That all changed for me in April. It was as if God, in His wisdom, gave me a peek at what my life would be like if he granted my wish of "comfortable money." The price would have been my sanity, and perhaps even my spirit. And even though my friends, every single one of them, told me regularly that something better would soon be coming my way, I found it hard to believe when I was asked to pull out my checkbook every day to pay a bill with money I barely had.
I was probably at my lowest when the phone rang. You know what happened - - I told the story in my last blog. What I am here to tell you is that it has been nothing but GOOD news every day since. And it just keeps piling on!
Since I got the news that I was hired, my medical situation has vastly improved. The meds the doctor put me on for my myalgia and arthritis has helped my physical and my mental mood. The heart doctor gave me a thumbs up. My colonoscopy was infinitely better than last year. I only had one precancerous polyp, and my diverticulosis was greatly improved. My regular doctor has officially taken me off my asthma maintenance medicine and my antidepressants. My blood pressure is good, and the weight has begun to again fall off.
I have prayed often and fervently for God to help me or show me what He wanted of me, that I was at my wit's end. But I think He wanted me to understand what it was I needed. I now feel I get it.
You see, I didn't need money, although He has given that to me. I didn't need the lot behind me. Someone else needed it, and they are building a house on it. And though it is close to my back yard, it didn't sell until my bird-of-paradise plant got big enough to block most of the view of me in my swimsuit in the pool! (I hope they appreciate all the money I put into watering and fertilizing that thing to spare them that...)
I didn't need money to help my niece and nephew. Got sent a buyer to their parents' ranch; they will be taken care of.
I didn't need to travel. All I have ever wanted is here, by the ocean. The smells, the views, the beauty of the flora and fauna. The only thing missing is my BFF, but even that is looking up!
What I needed was to be happy and feel useful. And now I am just that.
When you get older, and especially when you are alone, it is easy to get lonely and shut yourself away from the world. I did not want that, and I was beginning to feel it creep into my bones. And that was beginning to make me feel useless and wasted.
It took two really nice ladies and their daughter to take that away from me in just one day. I cannot begin to tell you how much I am enjoying my new job. Forgotten is all the "you're not what we are looking for" and the "don't call me; I'll call you" looks I had been getting. Gone is the waiting for the phone to ring, hoping it would be a job offer.
I am not sure why else God has sent me to this new place, but I sure am happy He has. And although I am a year behind in my weight loss goals, maybe this is the summer I will hit it. I am off some of my medicines, and I am inching downward in the weight. And when it is wet, my bathing suit is on the saggy side. I just have a feeling it is not going to be usable next year!
I was listening to Joel Osteen on television this morning, and his preaching was all about how when God closes one door, He opens the next. You may not know what is on the other side, but He DOES hope that you walk through it.
I have done that, and I am happily awaiting to see what is on the other side. I am sure there will be some detours and other doors to shut and open. But I am finally ready for that journey.
His Grace is indeed Endless!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Hallelujah, Part Three
This week has been one of the better weeks I have had the last few months. My biorhythms must be on the upswing. And, it couldn't have happened at a better time. I was getting pretty tired of the axiom about being darkest just before dawn. And that light at the end of the tunnel? The train was tootin' its horn telling me to get off those tracks.
I had been really upset about the lack of progress in the job search arena. I was determined not to cry, but my frustration was really growing. I found it hard to get out of bed, and all I wanted was junk food to nosh on. That's wrong in so many ways.
The final straw was getting three unexpected bills that were a collective $300. Not a lot under normal times, but a WHOLE bunch when you are jobless. I had gone to every employment/temp agency, and was applying to everything that the paper and Monster posted. And I was getting absolutely no calls. I spent my day doing puzzles and watching crime shows. And eating. If you read my Face Book post the other day, I commented on Blue Bell's Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream and how darn good it was. What I didn't say was that I found out how good it was very quickly. I ate a whole half gallon in two and a half days. I was VERY naughty!
But things started to slowly turn around. I had gotten a notice that my now annual colonoscopy was due, so I went ahead and scheduled it. The next day I got a call for a 3 day job. I took it, eager to have a little extra money. And the day the job ended, I drank that horrid clean out stuff you have to drink. It did the job and helped me lose the extra weight I had gained. It looked really good on the scale, even though I knew a lot would come back after I started eating.
I only had one polyp this time, and not the numerous ones I had last year. Good news! The procedure was painless, and no problems afterwards.
So, getting determined, this week I peppered the employment agencies with calls. One called me regularly. I went on an interview for a job I didn't get but really wanted, but now I realize God had a plan that he was about to share with me.
Wednesday was pivotal. I got numerous calls, and set up 2 interviews for Thursday. I drove across town for a 9AM interview with the city's solid waste department. It was only temporary, but would give me about a thousand bucks. I told them that I did have another interview that afternoon for a full time position, but that I needed to have some immediate income. They wanted a decision that day, and for the new hiree to start on Friday.
I went home feeling pretty good about that interview, and I was looking forward to the next one. At 11:30, the phone rings. It was my representative from the temp agency, telling me the city wanted me for the position. I explained what was going on, and promised to call her right after my next interview in a couple of hours.
Around noon, the phone rings again. It was a different agency. They wanted me to interview for yet another full time position. I explained again what was going on, and she said she would set something up for Friday.
Feeling pretty good by now, I was almost laughing when the phone rang again about 10 minutes later. The second agency was calling me back; the owner was coming into town from Robstown, and wanted to interview me that day. Apparently the agency told him that he needed to talk to me before I got "snatched up" by somebody else.
At 1:30 I went to the interview for a company I had applied for through the newspaper. Immediately upon walking through the door, I knew I wanted to work there. So after a very successful few minutes of talking, I told them that the city was pressing for an answer on their temporary job, and that the owner of the other business was coming into town just to interview me.
They asked if I could put them off for a few hours...
They like me. They really like me! Now I know how Sally Field felt when she won the Oscar!
I went over to a friend's house waiting for the 3rd interview. My phone rang at 2:25. The company wanted to hire me, and for more money than was originally discussed. I WAS ON A ROLL!!!!
Of course, I said no...
Just kidding! I couldn't accept fast enough! I called the temp agency to tell them that I was now employed, and to tell the city I wasn't coming in tomorrow. I called the other agency in hopes they could catch the Robstown guy before he drove all the way over.
And then I proceeded to tell everybody I could think of that I had a job!
My friends even took me out to eat and celebrate. It was sooooo good to be wanted!
Today is my 3 year anniversary of repairing the aneurysm that almost killed me. Twice! I was so lucky then, and I feel even luckier now. You forget that part when you are down. I thanked the Lord so many times already, I could almost hear Him saying "alright, already.... I got it!"
I celebrated my anniversary and my new job by going to Macy's. WITH COUPONS. I bought things. It was fun and totally guiltless. I told my friend I executed a total blitzkrieg on the store. I don't think the grin left my face.
And the best part? When I got home, still another employment agency called me regarding a position.
Yessiree, it is nice to be wanted.
I had been really upset about the lack of progress in the job search arena. I was determined not to cry, but my frustration was really growing. I found it hard to get out of bed, and all I wanted was junk food to nosh on. That's wrong in so many ways.
The final straw was getting three unexpected bills that were a collective $300. Not a lot under normal times, but a WHOLE bunch when you are jobless. I had gone to every employment/temp agency, and was applying to everything that the paper and Monster posted. And I was getting absolutely no calls. I spent my day doing puzzles and watching crime shows. And eating. If you read my Face Book post the other day, I commented on Blue Bell's Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream and how darn good it was. What I didn't say was that I found out how good it was very quickly. I ate a whole half gallon in two and a half days. I was VERY naughty!
But things started to slowly turn around. I had gotten a notice that my now annual colonoscopy was due, so I went ahead and scheduled it. The next day I got a call for a 3 day job. I took it, eager to have a little extra money. And the day the job ended, I drank that horrid clean out stuff you have to drink. It did the job and helped me lose the extra weight I had gained. It looked really good on the scale, even though I knew a lot would come back after I started eating.
I only had one polyp this time, and not the numerous ones I had last year. Good news! The procedure was painless, and no problems afterwards.
So, getting determined, this week I peppered the employment agencies with calls. One called me regularly. I went on an interview for a job I didn't get but really wanted, but now I realize God had a plan that he was about to share with me.
Wednesday was pivotal. I got numerous calls, and set up 2 interviews for Thursday. I drove across town for a 9AM interview with the city's solid waste department. It was only temporary, but would give me about a thousand bucks. I told them that I did have another interview that afternoon for a full time position, but that I needed to have some immediate income. They wanted a decision that day, and for the new hiree to start on Friday.
I went home feeling pretty good about that interview, and I was looking forward to the next one. At 11:30, the phone rings. It was my representative from the temp agency, telling me the city wanted me for the position. I explained what was going on, and promised to call her right after my next interview in a couple of hours.
Around noon, the phone rings again. It was a different agency. They wanted me to interview for yet another full time position. I explained again what was going on, and she said she would set something up for Friday.
Feeling pretty good by now, I was almost laughing when the phone rang again about 10 minutes later. The second agency was calling me back; the owner was coming into town from Robstown, and wanted to interview me that day. Apparently the agency told him that he needed to talk to me before I got "snatched up" by somebody else.
At 1:30 I went to the interview for a company I had applied for through the newspaper. Immediately upon walking through the door, I knew I wanted to work there. So after a very successful few minutes of talking, I told them that the city was pressing for an answer on their temporary job, and that the owner of the other business was coming into town just to interview me.
They asked if I could put them off for a few hours...
They like me. They really like me! Now I know how Sally Field felt when she won the Oscar!
I went over to a friend's house waiting for the 3rd interview. My phone rang at 2:25. The company wanted to hire me, and for more money than was originally discussed. I WAS ON A ROLL!!!!
Of course, I said no...
Just kidding! I couldn't accept fast enough! I called the temp agency to tell them that I was now employed, and to tell the city I wasn't coming in tomorrow. I called the other agency in hopes they could catch the Robstown guy before he drove all the way over.
And then I proceeded to tell everybody I could think of that I had a job!
My friends even took me out to eat and celebrate. It was sooooo good to be wanted!
Today is my 3 year anniversary of repairing the aneurysm that almost killed me. Twice! I was so lucky then, and I feel even luckier now. You forget that part when you are down. I thanked the Lord so many times already, I could almost hear Him saying "alright, already.... I got it!"
I celebrated my anniversary and my new job by going to Macy's. WITH COUPONS. I bought things. It was fun and totally guiltless. I told my friend I executed a total blitzkrieg on the store. I don't think the grin left my face.
And the best part? When I got home, still another employment agency called me regarding a position.
Yessiree, it is nice to be wanted.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Quick Update
Hi, Friends! I am woefully behind mostly because of my recent inability to think past the next five minutes, so today, I am using the blog to catch everybody up on what is going on. Just the usual Cindy Drama!
The last week of March I received a much needed raise which was going to help my finances considerably. I had to buy a new phone with a bigger data plan, so the raise would help in getting that paid off.
On Easter Sunday, my big TV went kaput. And since I had the raise in my pocket, I replaced it with a really nice Smart TV, planning ahead with technology instead of always being 2 steps behind and getting the model that was going out of style.
Right before that, I had severe edema in my hands and legs/ankles. I happened to be at the lap-band doctor that day so he said that was a sign of severe protein deficiency or, and I quote, "when was the last time you visited your cardiologist?" as that is a sign of heart problems. Whoop-te-doo!
Protein is fine, regular doctor thinks my heart is fine. (I do have my regular check up with the cardiologist in a couple of weeks.) That left sodium and stress. I have tried to be careful with the sodium, but the stress had been more than a little off the charts lately.
Last week, business did not pick up as intended. There were several discussions and meetings, lots of hurt feelings, and some things were said that should not have been said by the powers that be. I was trying to figure out how to manage without this job while getting back into the hunt again, neither of which sounded very appetizing. I think God took care if it for me.
Monday morning, we were on the tail end of the storm lines that brought so much havoc elsewhere. We had several tornadoes in the area, hail, and a whole lot of rain. The severe, flooding, with lots of lightning kind of rain storm. Lightning struck our office building and shorted out the server. I couldn't help later to think of the movie Michael when the evil bank got smoted....
We were sent home and later that afternoon I received a phone call basically telling me my services were no longer needed. Amazingly, I wasn't even upset; I was more than ready to move on, and was glad the decision had been made. Of course it happened BEFORE the so-called big bonus was going to be paid out, but I had pretty much figured out that I would be on the short end of that, too!
So, after the "smoting" of the server, I picked up my things and my last check and began the search.
I have a couple of possibilities I am waiting to hear about, and several friends are putting out some additional feelers here and there. I will survive, I will get another job. Things will work out, and I will get to keep my new fancy dancy TV.
Michael done smoted the evil bank...
I will update you on my next adventure ASAP.
The last week of March I received a much needed raise which was going to help my finances considerably. I had to buy a new phone with a bigger data plan, so the raise would help in getting that paid off.
On Easter Sunday, my big TV went kaput. And since I had the raise in my pocket, I replaced it with a really nice Smart TV, planning ahead with technology instead of always being 2 steps behind and getting the model that was going out of style.
Right before that, I had severe edema in my hands and legs/ankles. I happened to be at the lap-band doctor that day so he said that was a sign of severe protein deficiency or, and I quote, "when was the last time you visited your cardiologist?" as that is a sign of heart problems. Whoop-te-doo!
Protein is fine, regular doctor thinks my heart is fine. (I do have my regular check up with the cardiologist in a couple of weeks.) That left sodium and stress. I have tried to be careful with the sodium, but the stress had been more than a little off the charts lately.
Last week, business did not pick up as intended. There were several discussions and meetings, lots of hurt feelings, and some things were said that should not have been said by the powers that be. I was trying to figure out how to manage without this job while getting back into the hunt again, neither of which sounded very appetizing. I think God took care if it for me.
Monday morning, we were on the tail end of the storm lines that brought so much havoc elsewhere. We had several tornadoes in the area, hail, and a whole lot of rain. The severe, flooding, with lots of lightning kind of rain storm. Lightning struck our office building and shorted out the server. I couldn't help later to think of the movie Michael when the evil bank got smoted....
We were sent home and later that afternoon I received a phone call basically telling me my services were no longer needed. Amazingly, I wasn't even upset; I was more than ready to move on, and was glad the decision had been made. Of course it happened BEFORE the so-called big bonus was going to be paid out, but I had pretty much figured out that I would be on the short end of that, too!
So, after the "smoting" of the server, I picked up my things and my last check and began the search.
I have a couple of possibilities I am waiting to hear about, and several friends are putting out some additional feelers here and there. I will survive, I will get another job. Things will work out, and I will get to keep my new fancy dancy TV.
Michael done smoted the evil bank...
I will update you on my next adventure ASAP.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
How Did THAT Happen?
I hate it when things creep up on you with little or no warning. I hate it even more when you suspect it is sneaking up from behind and you let it keep on coming! I don't know about you but it makes me angry that I let it occur.
I have had several setbacks in my journey to lose weight. I am six months behind my goal. That in itself is bad enough, but even worse, I have actually gained weight. I find that very, very, frustrating.
When I talked to my lap-band doc, he assured me that the first year is learning how to live with the band. He told me that most people stabilize their weight after two years. Well, I am telling you straight up that I didn't go through all this just to lose 30-40 pounds!
I know that when you have unexpected illnesses, it can mess with your system(s) and throw you off kilter. I certainly have had that the last couple of years. And even though a big bunch of those setbacks were a direct result of me weighing too darn much, I felt good about at least checking them off my "what is wrong with me today?" list. One down, how many more to go?
But the biggest thing that makes me feel stupid is the fact that I allowed myself to be convinced that the lap-band was the panacea of all that needed to be fixed. I absolutely, positively knew better. I have known this is about lifestyle changes. And I knew my BFF wouldn't be down here to slap me silly when I strayed, and that I was the one that HAD to be in control. So why didn't I control it??
My first excuse was I had no money, so the stress of it made me eat more. But... if I had no money, how did I have the means to buy the wrong foods to eat? Huh? Answer me THAT one! And if it was so depressing, how was I able to get off my depression medicine and feel good? Well, I shot that excuse right out of the water.
I got a job and I don't have time to exercise and eat right. Part of that is true. But the bigger truth is I haven't made an effort to figure it out. When I could go home for lunch, it was easier, but then I started working longer hours and eating fast food, and not exercising at all. Big Mistake.
So now I have a legitimate excuse in that my arthritis is raging out of control. BUT... doesn't exercising and eating properly help control the arthritis? So again, that ship ain't sailing.
In truth, THAT happened because I let it happen. My fault. Nobody else's. I knew I was eating too much, I ignored the warning signs, and I kept on doing what I had always done.
And I have gotten exactly what I have always gotten. Wrong Choices.
I now have nine months to lose the weight I wanted to lose. Another swimsuit season approaching, and I need to remind myself that I cannot yet buy that smaller sized suit I had hoped to buy. I need to change that, change the way I use long work hours as an excuse, and I need to quit making poor choices.
And here is what I need from YOU, dear readers! An occasional slap upside the head! WAKE UP, CINDY!
Yep, I need that, and I absolutely know that more than one of my friends have been anxiously awaiting the chance to do just that.
Bring it on, pals...
I have had several setbacks in my journey to lose weight. I am six months behind my goal. That in itself is bad enough, but even worse, I have actually gained weight. I find that very, very, frustrating.
When I talked to my lap-band doc, he assured me that the first year is learning how to live with the band. He told me that most people stabilize their weight after two years. Well, I am telling you straight up that I didn't go through all this just to lose 30-40 pounds!
I know that when you have unexpected illnesses, it can mess with your system(s) and throw you off kilter. I certainly have had that the last couple of years. And even though a big bunch of those setbacks were a direct result of me weighing too darn much, I felt good about at least checking them off my "what is wrong with me today?" list. One down, how many more to go?
But the biggest thing that makes me feel stupid is the fact that I allowed myself to be convinced that the lap-band was the panacea of all that needed to be fixed. I absolutely, positively knew better. I have known this is about lifestyle changes. And I knew my BFF wouldn't be down here to slap me silly when I strayed, and that I was the one that HAD to be in control. So why didn't I control it??
My first excuse was I had no money, so the stress of it made me eat more. But... if I had no money, how did I have the means to buy the wrong foods to eat? Huh? Answer me THAT one! And if it was so depressing, how was I able to get off my depression medicine and feel good? Well, I shot that excuse right out of the water.
I got a job and I don't have time to exercise and eat right. Part of that is true. But the bigger truth is I haven't made an effort to figure it out. When I could go home for lunch, it was easier, but then I started working longer hours and eating fast food, and not exercising at all. Big Mistake.
So now I have a legitimate excuse in that my arthritis is raging out of control. BUT... doesn't exercising and eating properly help control the arthritis? So again, that ship ain't sailing.
In truth, THAT happened because I let it happen. My fault. Nobody else's. I knew I was eating too much, I ignored the warning signs, and I kept on doing what I had always done.
And I have gotten exactly what I have always gotten. Wrong Choices.
I now have nine months to lose the weight I wanted to lose. Another swimsuit season approaching, and I need to remind myself that I cannot yet buy that smaller sized suit I had hoped to buy. I need to change that, change the way I use long work hours as an excuse, and I need to quit making poor choices.
And here is what I need from YOU, dear readers! An occasional slap upside the head! WAKE UP, CINDY!
Yep, I need that, and I absolutely know that more than one of my friends have been anxiously awaiting the chance to do just that.
Bring it on, pals...
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Waste Lots, Needs More
I have been thinking a lot lately about how much I waste. I waste food and energy. I lose time by wasting too much of it. I certainly waste money. And if I hadn't been so wasteful on the wrong "eats" I wouldn't have such a "waist-full" problem. But this week I have thought the most about wasted opportunity.
And how when you waste one thing - anything - you need more of it to replace it.
We lost a huge talent this week. For whatever reason, a God-Given voice was again silenced. And while I don't pretend to know anything about her life other than what was reluctantly shared with the public, I do know something about obsessions and how it can take over your life.
I was watching The Bodyguard last night, not so much for the story; I knew that part. But I looked at it from my "objective" eye. How the music mirrored her life in so many ways. And the part that got me the most was thinking and asking myself if, without her voice, did she really have nothing? And the more she wanted, needed it back, did it become the obsession that took over her life?
I had a boyfriend more than a few years back. The less attention he gave me, the more I felt I needed it from him. It became my obsession. Not him, but it. What could I do to try to make it right? I let it consume me until one day God hit me over the head and yelled, not too kindly, "WAKE UP!" I got the message and made changes right then and there. Otherwise, I would have missed so many opportunities that I would have one day realized how little I had because I let IT overtake my waking thoughts.
I must be an obsessive person, because I think I did the same thing with food. The more time I wasted thinking about food, the more I needed to consume it. The more I ate, the more my waist expanded, which caused me to miss out on doing a lot of things with my friends. I got so fat I no longer had the strength to go out and DO. Wasted opportunities...
I waste time at work. Could that call I decided not to pick up become a wasted sales opportunity?
I wasted time sleeping. Would I ever see that meteor shower? Or was that my last opportunity?
I wasted time knowingly eating the wrong foods. What did that cause me to miss out on today?
I wasted time working the crossword puzzle, and I needed more time to finish my chores.
We all have a unique talent. I may not have found mine yet, but if I keep wasting those "fact-finding" opportunities, I may never find it. I tell myself that I will make time next week. But I keep needing more time.
I spent money on junk I didn't need, so I needed more money. To make more money I need more time.
I wasted time watching TV instead of calling my Aunt and telling her I loved her.
I wasted my energy yelling at the guy in front of me for going so slow I had to sit through another red light. Did I really need that extra thirty seconds I wasted sitting there? Why couldn't I just enjoy the song playing on the radio?
Living at the beach, I literally have a huge window overlooking the world. Why should I waste that opportunity? What more do I need?
Daddy's favorite commercial was for Blue Bell Ice Cream, the one where the father states that they named their town Needmore because they needed more Blue Bell, while his daughter is in the background saying, "No we didn't, Daddy!" I think he liked it because the father and daughter were needling each other. That was one of his favorite pastimes: needling in a good natured way. I wasted a lot of time sometimes feeling hurt instead of realizing that was his way of telling me he loved me. He couldn't always say the words but when he was gone, and the gentle needling disappeared, I realized how much I missed it AND him. And how I wasted an opportunity to tell him that.
I don't want to waste any more opportunities. I realized the other day that I am in my last quarter of my life. I don't have time to waste worrying about things which I cannot control. I want to grab that bull by the horns while I still can, then hang on for the ride.
I don't want to be eighty and worrying about the things I could have done. I want to tell my grand nieces and nephews about what I DID do, and how much fun I had doing it.
No more waste because I need to do so many more things before I die.
And when I find my talent; I pray that God doesn't let me waste it, that He shows me a way to use it wisely.
And how when you waste one thing - anything - you need more of it to replace it.
We lost a huge talent this week. For whatever reason, a God-Given voice was again silenced. And while I don't pretend to know anything about her life other than what was reluctantly shared with the public, I do know something about obsessions and how it can take over your life.
I was watching The Bodyguard last night, not so much for the story; I knew that part. But I looked at it from my "objective" eye. How the music mirrored her life in so many ways. And the part that got me the most was thinking and asking myself if, without her voice, did she really have nothing? And the more she wanted, needed it back, did it become the obsession that took over her life?
I had a boyfriend more than a few years back. The less attention he gave me, the more I felt I needed it from him. It became my obsession. Not him, but it. What could I do to try to make it right? I let it consume me until one day God hit me over the head and yelled, not too kindly, "WAKE UP!" I got the message and made changes right then and there. Otherwise, I would have missed so many opportunities that I would have one day realized how little I had because I let IT overtake my waking thoughts.
I must be an obsessive person, because I think I did the same thing with food. The more time I wasted thinking about food, the more I needed to consume it. The more I ate, the more my waist expanded, which caused me to miss out on doing a lot of things with my friends. I got so fat I no longer had the strength to go out and DO. Wasted opportunities...
I waste time at work. Could that call I decided not to pick up become a wasted sales opportunity?
I wasted time sleeping. Would I ever see that meteor shower? Or was that my last opportunity?
I wasted time knowingly eating the wrong foods. What did that cause me to miss out on today?
I wasted time working the crossword puzzle, and I needed more time to finish my chores.
We all have a unique talent. I may not have found mine yet, but if I keep wasting those "fact-finding" opportunities, I may never find it. I tell myself that I will make time next week. But I keep needing more time.
I spent money on junk I didn't need, so I needed more money. To make more money I need more time.
I wasted time watching TV instead of calling my Aunt and telling her I loved her.
I wasted my energy yelling at the guy in front of me for going so slow I had to sit through another red light. Did I really need that extra thirty seconds I wasted sitting there? Why couldn't I just enjoy the song playing on the radio?
Living at the beach, I literally have a huge window overlooking the world. Why should I waste that opportunity? What more do I need?
Daddy's favorite commercial was for Blue Bell Ice Cream, the one where the father states that they named their town Needmore because they needed more Blue Bell, while his daughter is in the background saying, "No we didn't, Daddy!" I think he liked it because the father and daughter were needling each other. That was one of his favorite pastimes: needling in a good natured way. I wasted a lot of time sometimes feeling hurt instead of realizing that was his way of telling me he loved me. He couldn't always say the words but when he was gone, and the gentle needling disappeared, I realized how much I missed it AND him. And how I wasted an opportunity to tell him that.
I don't want to waste any more opportunities. I realized the other day that I am in my last quarter of my life. I don't have time to waste worrying about things which I cannot control. I want to grab that bull by the horns while I still can, then hang on for the ride.
I don't want to be eighty and worrying about the things I could have done. I want to tell my grand nieces and nephews about what I DID do, and how much fun I had doing it.
No more waste because I need to do so many more things before I die.
And when I find my talent; I pray that God doesn't let me waste it, that He shows me a way to use it wisely.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
I'm Calling the Exterminator
You might think this is about bugs, but you would be so wrong. Bear with me a little bit while I set this up.
Today is the Super Bowl. And all the hoopla that comes with the big game. It doesn't matter if you aren't a football fan, and if your are, it doesn't matter that your team is not playing in the Big Show.
What does matter is two things: the commercials and the "spread." Not the betting one, although to some of you that may be a a biggie, but if you are poor like me, it matters none.
No, what I am talking about is the spread on the table, the counters, and on the barbeque pit. The Food.
It seems to me that we ought to just go ahead and declare this a holiday and have a legitimate reason to pig out while watching the pigskin. We do it for Thanksgiving, and often times around Christmas, and certainly during New Years. A month between these events, but not enough time to get back to the "zero weight gain" place.
During the pregame show, Ritz crackers were showing some semi-healthy snacks. But as the hours went by, the cracker spread got bolder and spicier. By the time the game was ready to go, most of us had given up even trying to pretend we were trying to eat healthy. As the momentum built up, our appetites soared.
The last of the chips and dips that Somebody Who Shall Remain Nameless had already gotten into were gone by mid afternoon. I am saved by the fact that it is a little too cold outside for me to hit the beer. But I did make some pretty awesome carne guisada....
Why do we eat too much of the wrong thing when we know it is wrong for us? I think it goes way past willpower and is more of a "because we always do it this way" mentality. Well, if you are naturally skinny and inclined to exercise several hours a week then maybe that is okay. But for us non-skinnies and not as active sorts, that is a recipe for disaster.
Now, I know you were like me, and vowed to make the New Year your year to change those nasty habits, right?
If you always do what you have always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.
So, I am gonna get up and dance with Madonna at half time. Never done that before!
Which brings me to the exterminator.
A friend posted this on Facebook:
"Calories. Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night."
There you go. THE explanation I have been waiting for. I wonder if my bug guy is available today?
In the mean time, I am going to heat up a bowl of guisada and rice. Right after I quit laughing at that cute E-Trade commercial where the baby is speed dating in the nursery!
Today is the Super Bowl. And all the hoopla that comes with the big game. It doesn't matter if you aren't a football fan, and if your are, it doesn't matter that your team is not playing in the Big Show.
What does matter is two things: the commercials and the "spread." Not the betting one, although to some of you that may be a a biggie, but if you are poor like me, it matters none.
No, what I am talking about is the spread on the table, the counters, and on the barbeque pit. The Food.
It seems to me that we ought to just go ahead and declare this a holiday and have a legitimate reason to pig out while watching the pigskin. We do it for Thanksgiving, and often times around Christmas, and certainly during New Years. A month between these events, but not enough time to get back to the "zero weight gain" place.
During the pregame show, Ritz crackers were showing some semi-healthy snacks. But as the hours went by, the cracker spread got bolder and spicier. By the time the game was ready to go, most of us had given up even trying to pretend we were trying to eat healthy. As the momentum built up, our appetites soared.
The last of the chips and dips that Somebody Who Shall Remain Nameless had already gotten into were gone by mid afternoon. I am saved by the fact that it is a little too cold outside for me to hit the beer. But I did make some pretty awesome carne guisada....
Why do we eat too much of the wrong thing when we know it is wrong for us? I think it goes way past willpower and is more of a "because we always do it this way" mentality. Well, if you are naturally skinny and inclined to exercise several hours a week then maybe that is okay. But for us non-skinnies and not as active sorts, that is a recipe for disaster.
Now, I know you were like me, and vowed to make the New Year your year to change those nasty habits, right?
If you always do what you have always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.
So, I am gonna get up and dance with Madonna at half time. Never done that before!
Which brings me to the exterminator.
A friend posted this on Facebook:
"Calories. Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night."
There you go. THE explanation I have been waiting for. I wonder if my bug guy is available today?
In the mean time, I am going to heat up a bowl of guisada and rice. Right after I quit laughing at that cute E-Trade commercial where the baby is speed dating in the nursery!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
When Your Git Up and Go Don't
It has been a slow month at work to start the new year. The phones aren't ringing, and you would think that we would be twiddling our thumbs waiting for something to happen. Instead we have been working hard to get prepared for the upcoming push about to begin. There has been research to be done, planning timelines, and training to make sure when business gets going, we are ready.
But what do you do when your own git up and go don't go nowhere???
I have been battling a nerve and joint inflammation complicated with a bout of bursitis nearby. It has made my git up and go totally disappear. On my third round of "let's try this" medicine, I have at least gotten rid of the shooting pains down my leg. That should help some of my git up and go.
I have thought long and hard about how this could have happened to me. I have never had serious back issues, even when I was at my heaviest. Most of my trouble came from my knees. And I think my spine and frame got used to the way I walked or waddled along. But I went and lost some weight, and now I have to get my spine and frame to "undo" some bad habits.
I first noticed the pain on one side of my butt when I attained enough energy to swim laps in the pool. When it happened, I thought that it had been a while since I had that much git up and go, and my body was being pushed a little further than it was used to. I knew if I continued to keep active, it would eventually get used to stretching.
Then I got my job, and I started sitting at a computer all day. Not good for your git up and go. The only exercise I got was going to the ladies' room every hour or so. Which made my git up and go retreat a little farther down the road...
My intent was to walk at lunch, but for the first couple of months it was running close to 100 degrees outside and just too intensely humid to walk. What energy boost I would have gotten from the walk would have been outweighed by the sapping of your strength from the heat. So, I stayed in and let my git up and go go away a little more.
Suddenly, my back/hip problem became too painful to walk any distance. Going to the grocery store became a chore I hated more than usual. So I sat more and moved less. Not good.
By the time Christmas rolled along, sitting more, eating more, and moving less became my way of life.
When your car won't git up and go you take it to a mechanic. We humans git up and go to the doctor. Except during the holidays they are harder to find than the newest techno gadget. If you read my last blog, you know I found one. No help there.
Finally right after New Years, doctors came back to town and reopened their offices. So I got up and went. It was then he decided that in addition to my back, I had bursitis in the hip. A shot helped that. But the nightly nerve pains down my leg had kept me from getting a good night's sleep for about the last 6 weeks. Another check with the doctor, and I am now on a neuropathy medicine that is used for fibromyalgia and effects of shingles.
Wait a minute, didn't the shingles git up and go a couple of months ago?
The medicine has been working, and I have been able to sleep again. That helps. However the hip and back pain is still abundant, so the next order will probably be a MRI. That is probably when my money will git up and go.
My friend and I have both been having some age related issues, along with many others of our friends and acquaintances. We now spend a lot of our texting time in the evenings comparing notes about who has the biggest ache of the day and which neighbor is also having issues. We are becoming experts on various illnesses.
Our youth has gotten up and gone...
One of the side effects of this new medicine is that it makes me somewhat impulsive. I have put something in my mouth to nibble on before I have even processed that I got up to get it. It has made me crave sweets. Not good a week before you are supposed to go have your next lap-band weigh in.
All of this is my fault. If I hadn't let myself get so fat, I wouldn't be having these problems and having to "undo" all the wrongs done to my body over the years. What was I thinking? So here's my advice for the day:
If you are still young enough, don't let yourself get into this position. And if you are already there, fight through the pain and keep moving. You can stiffen up quickly and if you lose your flexibility, your git up and go won't....
Excuse me, I have to git up and go to the cookie jar.
Sometimes I think it might be a good thing if my git up and go didn't!
But what do you do when your own git up and go don't go nowhere???
I have been battling a nerve and joint inflammation complicated with a bout of bursitis nearby. It has made my git up and go totally disappear. On my third round of "let's try this" medicine, I have at least gotten rid of the shooting pains down my leg. That should help some of my git up and go.
I have thought long and hard about how this could have happened to me. I have never had serious back issues, even when I was at my heaviest. Most of my trouble came from my knees. And I think my spine and frame got used to the way I walked or waddled along. But I went and lost some weight, and now I have to get my spine and frame to "undo" some bad habits.
I first noticed the pain on one side of my butt when I attained enough energy to swim laps in the pool. When it happened, I thought that it had been a while since I had that much git up and go, and my body was being pushed a little further than it was used to. I knew if I continued to keep active, it would eventually get used to stretching.
Then I got my job, and I started sitting at a computer all day. Not good for your git up and go. The only exercise I got was going to the ladies' room every hour or so. Which made my git up and go retreat a little farther down the road...
My intent was to walk at lunch, but for the first couple of months it was running close to 100 degrees outside and just too intensely humid to walk. What energy boost I would have gotten from the walk would have been outweighed by the sapping of your strength from the heat. So, I stayed in and let my git up and go go away a little more.
Suddenly, my back/hip problem became too painful to walk any distance. Going to the grocery store became a chore I hated more than usual. So I sat more and moved less. Not good.
By the time Christmas rolled along, sitting more, eating more, and moving less became my way of life.
When your car won't git up and go you take it to a mechanic. We humans git up and go to the doctor. Except during the holidays they are harder to find than the newest techno gadget. If you read my last blog, you know I found one. No help there.
Finally right after New Years, doctors came back to town and reopened their offices. So I got up and went. It was then he decided that in addition to my back, I had bursitis in the hip. A shot helped that. But the nightly nerve pains down my leg had kept me from getting a good night's sleep for about the last 6 weeks. Another check with the doctor, and I am now on a neuropathy medicine that is used for fibromyalgia and effects of shingles.
Wait a minute, didn't the shingles git up and go a couple of months ago?
The medicine has been working, and I have been able to sleep again. That helps. However the hip and back pain is still abundant, so the next order will probably be a MRI. That is probably when my money will git up and go.
My friend and I have both been having some age related issues, along with many others of our friends and acquaintances. We now spend a lot of our texting time in the evenings comparing notes about who has the biggest ache of the day and which neighbor is also having issues. We are becoming experts on various illnesses.
Our youth has gotten up and gone...
One of the side effects of this new medicine is that it makes me somewhat impulsive. I have put something in my mouth to nibble on before I have even processed that I got up to get it. It has made me crave sweets. Not good a week before you are supposed to go have your next lap-band weigh in.
All of this is my fault. If I hadn't let myself get so fat, I wouldn't be having these problems and having to "undo" all the wrongs done to my body over the years. What was I thinking? So here's my advice for the day:
If you are still young enough, don't let yourself get into this position. And if you are already there, fight through the pain and keep moving. You can stiffen up quickly and if you lose your flexibility, your git up and go won't....
Excuse me, I have to git up and go to the cookie jar.
Sometimes I think it might be a good thing if my git up and go didn't!
Monday, January 2, 2012
Maintaining Dignity
C'mon, let's face it! At some point in time we all have struggled to maintain our dignity. And no matter how much you try, you can't undo what just happened or what was just said. It's out there. And it always seems to come back home to roost.
It can embarrass you, or it can make you laugh. It can fill you with regrets, or you can add another notch to your learning curve. It can fill you with disgrace, and certainly not give you any semblance of grace. But once done, there is no undoing.
I watch athletes, from Little Leagues to the pros, do some incredible graceful fetes in scoring. Then they ruin it all by being unclassy and undignified afterwards, showing to those watching how much better and deserving they are than all the rest in the game. It bothers me no little to see a talented, gifted person being rudely undignified in their praise of themselves. Yet isn't that who we want our kids to grow up to be? I don't understand that. Never have! And even when I taught, many of my students ridiculed me for being a David Robinson fan because while no one doubted his class, he couldn't be a winner. Guess the Admiral got the last laugh there, but knowing the kind of person he is, he probably didn't even care that people thought that.
Maintaining dignity is difficult on a good day, and down right impossible when you are idiotic! I was an idiot when I forgot I was on the stairs and tumbled down the last few. It was impossible to lay sprawled all over the floor and yell out that you've fallen and you can't get up and still be dignified. It was really hard to maintain dignity when I was locked in the staff bathroom when the lock broke and somebody talked about calling the fire department. I didn't know if I was laughing/crying from the ridiculous situation or from the embarrassment.
It is embarrassing for people to stare at you or make comments about you when you are obese. For all of us fatties, we work hard at being dignified as we walk past, ignoring the barbs thrown our way. Those undignified people must think their comments will "help" us see the error of our ways and suddenly drop a hundred pounds or so. They think they are doing us a favor.
I have become inured to doctor comments about my size. I mean, I knew I had a problem or I wouldn't have felt the need for weight loss surgery. And for the most part, your doctor does mean well when he says something about your weight.
This past week, the pain in my buttock got so bad that I sought medical treatment. I already knew from a previous visit to my family doctor that it was due to my back. The pain got so intense down my side and thigh that I wanted to make sure I had not broken something and was too dotty to remember that I had even hurt it. Since my family doc and my regular orthopedic doc were both out for the holidays, I had to see another physician in the office. He was a nice, older gentlemen, who examined me, even apologized for pulling down my jeans partway to see my hip movement as I walked. I maintained my dignity during that exam. But it was after the x-rays that I really had to work at it.
The results showed that I had a degenerating (but thankfully not bulging) L-5 disc. I knew that; I didn't even try to maintain my dignity when at age 13, the skateboard didn't go in the right direction, causing me to shatter my tailbone. I suffered long and loud for quite a few weeks! The tests also showed some normal wear and tear in the hip, along with some bone spurs. Again, no real surprise. When the doctor said that my sacroiliac was inflamed, I was relieved that he found the biggest problem. Maybe a pain free day was on the way.
Until he said something that made me struggle to maintain my dignity....
He basically said that because I am allergic to aspirin, my choices of treatment are extremely limited. And because of some overuse with a previous surgery, too much Tylenol gives me "rebound migraines." That leaves a shot in the hip. But according to that nice old gentleman, "women who are as thick as I am in the buttocks" make it difficult to find just the right spot in which to stick the old needle. Did he just call me a fat ass?
I smiled politely, thanked him for seeing me, picked up my purse and proceeded to maintain my most dignified limp right out the door!
It is difficult to be dignified when you are summarily put in your place, be it at work or at home, or maybe even in the doctor's office. It is especially hard to do when you are angry.
My resolution for this new year is to be a kinder, gentler version of me. I am determined to smile more, and not worry about what I cannot immediately control. But I have been angry over some things that happened at work, and even though I was furloughed for the last two weeks and had time to think about it all, I still find myself angry and frustrated. And I am down to my last twenty-four hours of trying to find that dignified demeanor I will need to take to work with me tomorrow.
The older I get, the more I realize that the tally sheet is getting longer and longer with my misdeeds. And the atonement time is getting way too short. I cannot waste my days being angry and worrying about getting even with some perceived slight. My one-on-one meeting with God is right around the corner. What will I be able to say to Him?
I want to be able to say I was dignified and graceful. Not in my movements, but graceful in my thoughts and deeds. I want St. Peter to report that I was a good person, not an angry one. I want to walk through those Pearly Gates with my head held high!
Therefore, even though I am, and indeed do HAVE, a pain in the butt, I will resolve to maintain my dignity and forge onward.
And try not to do something stupid.
It can embarrass you, or it can make you laugh. It can fill you with regrets, or you can add another notch to your learning curve. It can fill you with disgrace, and certainly not give you any semblance of grace. But once done, there is no undoing.
I watch athletes, from Little Leagues to the pros, do some incredible graceful fetes in scoring. Then they ruin it all by being unclassy and undignified afterwards, showing to those watching how much better and deserving they are than all the rest in the game. It bothers me no little to see a talented, gifted person being rudely undignified in their praise of themselves. Yet isn't that who we want our kids to grow up to be? I don't understand that. Never have! And even when I taught, many of my students ridiculed me for being a David Robinson fan because while no one doubted his class, he couldn't be a winner. Guess the Admiral got the last laugh there, but knowing the kind of person he is, he probably didn't even care that people thought that.
Maintaining dignity is difficult on a good day, and down right impossible when you are idiotic! I was an idiot when I forgot I was on the stairs and tumbled down the last few. It was impossible to lay sprawled all over the floor and yell out that you've fallen and you can't get up and still be dignified. It was really hard to maintain dignity when I was locked in the staff bathroom when the lock broke and somebody talked about calling the fire department. I didn't know if I was laughing/crying from the ridiculous situation or from the embarrassment.
It is embarrassing for people to stare at you or make comments about you when you are obese. For all of us fatties, we work hard at being dignified as we walk past, ignoring the barbs thrown our way. Those undignified people must think their comments will "help" us see the error of our ways and suddenly drop a hundred pounds or so. They think they are doing us a favor.
I have become inured to doctor comments about my size. I mean, I knew I had a problem or I wouldn't have felt the need for weight loss surgery. And for the most part, your doctor does mean well when he says something about your weight.
This past week, the pain in my buttock got so bad that I sought medical treatment. I already knew from a previous visit to my family doctor that it was due to my back. The pain got so intense down my side and thigh that I wanted to make sure I had not broken something and was too dotty to remember that I had even hurt it. Since my family doc and my regular orthopedic doc were both out for the holidays, I had to see another physician in the office. He was a nice, older gentlemen, who examined me, even apologized for pulling down my jeans partway to see my hip movement as I walked. I maintained my dignity during that exam. But it was after the x-rays that I really had to work at it.
The results showed that I had a degenerating (but thankfully not bulging) L-5 disc. I knew that; I didn't even try to maintain my dignity when at age 13, the skateboard didn't go in the right direction, causing me to shatter my tailbone. I suffered long and loud for quite a few weeks! The tests also showed some normal wear and tear in the hip, along with some bone spurs. Again, no real surprise. When the doctor said that my sacroiliac was inflamed, I was relieved that he found the biggest problem. Maybe a pain free day was on the way.
Until he said something that made me struggle to maintain my dignity....
He basically said that because I am allergic to aspirin, my choices of treatment are extremely limited. And because of some overuse with a previous surgery, too much Tylenol gives me "rebound migraines." That leaves a shot in the hip. But according to that nice old gentleman, "women who are as thick as I am in the buttocks" make it difficult to find just the right spot in which to stick the old needle. Did he just call me a fat ass?
I smiled politely, thanked him for seeing me, picked up my purse and proceeded to maintain my most dignified limp right out the door!
It is difficult to be dignified when you are summarily put in your place, be it at work or at home, or maybe even in the doctor's office. It is especially hard to do when you are angry.
My resolution for this new year is to be a kinder, gentler version of me. I am determined to smile more, and not worry about what I cannot immediately control. But I have been angry over some things that happened at work, and even though I was furloughed for the last two weeks and had time to think about it all, I still find myself angry and frustrated. And I am down to my last twenty-four hours of trying to find that dignified demeanor I will need to take to work with me tomorrow.
The older I get, the more I realize that the tally sheet is getting longer and longer with my misdeeds. And the atonement time is getting way too short. I cannot waste my days being angry and worrying about getting even with some perceived slight. My one-on-one meeting with God is right around the corner. What will I be able to say to Him?
I want to be able to say I was dignified and graceful. Not in my movements, but graceful in my thoughts and deeds. I want St. Peter to report that I was a good person, not an angry one. I want to walk through those Pearly Gates with my head held high!
Therefore, even though I am, and indeed do HAVE, a pain in the butt, I will resolve to maintain my dignity and forge onward.
And try not to do something stupid.
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