I am now down an additional three pounds since last week's meeting with the doctor. I am feeling so good that I must constantly remind myself to slow down the soup drinking, remember portion sizes, and especially remember what my doc said: "Don't push my surgery!" I forget I also had that little hernia repair that needs the proper amount of time to heal.
I have been experimenting with my super duper blender. So far I have been only pureeing the canned cream of chicken or cream of potato soups. I hate that I must get all the truly chewable pieces out or squash them into mush, but I did promise the doctor I would stick to his diet. But that gets old and boring.
My new blender is a very strong emulsifier, so it acts slightly different than just a regular blender. When I got it, it came with several books with some pretty good sounding recipes. So today, I decided to make my own potato leek soup. The recipe only called the red potatoes, leeks, chicken bouillon and a little milk. Easy, right?
So I peeled and chopped the potatoes and leeks and set them to boil to soften them up and "infuse" the flavors, poured it all into the blender with the milk and started it up.
I should first mention that I seldom cook with leeks, much preferring the sweet onions we get down here in South Texas year round. This is said so that you will understand why my potato soup didn't look so white, but split-pea green. It makes the mess part more, shall I say, vivid??
I filled it up to the top with the infused potatoes, leeks, and liquid. On TV they fill it pretty full, so mine went right to the top. I pulsed it a couple of times to get it going, then did exactly what the instructions said. I turned it on and let 'er rip. For four minutes. It didn't require watching because the auto timer would shut off at the appropriate time. It did. Too late.
When I decided to check, with about thirty seconds left, there was this greenish stuff going all over the counter. Out the top steam valve, over the spout, down the sides, onto the floor. You see, when this blender emulsifies, it produces a lot of foamy stuff, and believe me when I tell you the foamy stuff wasn't liking being "sealed" in the blender.
After cleaning it up, and tasting a bite or two, I decided it was good but would be much better with more potato and less onion/leek/green. So I cut up and boiled my last potato, thinking to pour out a third of the stuff in the blender and add the rest of the potato. I set it to boil and went back to my sudoku in the paper while halfway listening to some action movie on TV. It was only a few minutes later that the new smells hit my nostrils.
Did you know that potatoes can be burned to a crisp when you boil all the water out of the pot? When I got that mess cleaned up, I had to add scrub pads to the grocery list.
I salvaged what I could, but quickly realized that I was now a few potatoes short. Necessity being the mother of invention, I added a bunch of instant potato flakes to it, dumped the remaining original soup mixture into a pot, and let it simmer (ON LOW THIS TIME!!!) until it began to taste like potato soup. Next time I think I will just puree the canned stuff. Less cleanup.
On the bright side, I got my first indication that I had slimmed down some. To my male readers, you probably wouldn't have noticed because it doesn't seem to bother most of you. But ladies, my underwear drooped! That is a major sign that you must go shopping soon!
Maybe I am a 3 1/2 F now instead of the full 4!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I Am On My Way
I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. When I left the hospital last week, they wrote on my discharge papers that my follow-up appointment would be Thursday. So I rolled my eyes when I got the computerized reminder that my appointment was today. Good thing I decided to give a second thought and show up today because it actually was today. So Lesson number 86, or whatever I am up to: Verify everything the hospital tells you. Ask questions, and follow up on your own.
So, my doctor walked into the exam room and grinned. I grinned when he said, "Lookin' good!" Sometimes we girls just need to be noticed!
Fact is, I am now down officially 26 pounds since the start of this journey. And I looked long and hard to find something in my closet that would show off that loss. So I wore my fitted stretch jeans with a long tapered top. I had to keep pulling my pants up because they kept slipping down to my hips. Does that mean that my waist has shrunk?? I am afraid to get out the tape measure lest I be disappointed.
I still have some swelling in my abdomen, but am healing nicely. I go to see him in a month. The super glue coverings are beginning to peel and all the slits itch. Gotta be a good sign.
I noticed something interesting. I had started eating cream of wheat and cream soups yesterday. When I weighed last night I had actually gained two pounds. I was very relieved when I lost them plus one extra this morning. When I told the doctor, he agreed with my thinking that I had reached my extreme weight loss from eating basically 700 calories or less a day for three weeks. Now that I am introducing more solid foods, my weight loss should start to be 2-4 pounds a week.
I am now at the point that I must be mindful of not overeating so as to not stretch my stomach pouch. I also have to be very leery of my food choices. I have decided that I will allow myself something slightly off my list once every two weeks. Which won't be much since because of the additional hernia repair, I must be on creamed/pureed food for the next three weeks. But my food now has flavor. It has texture, and every once in a while a lump that managed to miss the super-duper blender blades. I am a most happy camper.
Today I had tomato basil soup. It was so good, and I was in so much ecstasy that I thought I was having a heart attack.
It was glorious!
So, my doctor walked into the exam room and grinned. I grinned when he said, "Lookin' good!" Sometimes we girls just need to be noticed!
Fact is, I am now down officially 26 pounds since the start of this journey. And I looked long and hard to find something in my closet that would show off that loss. So I wore my fitted stretch jeans with a long tapered top. I had to keep pulling my pants up because they kept slipping down to my hips. Does that mean that my waist has shrunk?? I am afraid to get out the tape measure lest I be disappointed.
I still have some swelling in my abdomen, but am healing nicely. I go to see him in a month. The super glue coverings are beginning to peel and all the slits itch. Gotta be a good sign.
I noticed something interesting. I had started eating cream of wheat and cream soups yesterday. When I weighed last night I had actually gained two pounds. I was very relieved when I lost them plus one extra this morning. When I told the doctor, he agreed with my thinking that I had reached my extreme weight loss from eating basically 700 calories or less a day for three weeks. Now that I am introducing more solid foods, my weight loss should start to be 2-4 pounds a week.
I am now at the point that I must be mindful of not overeating so as to not stretch my stomach pouch. I also have to be very leery of my food choices. I have decided that I will allow myself something slightly off my list once every two weeks. Which won't be much since because of the additional hernia repair, I must be on creamed/pureed food for the next three weeks. But my food now has flavor. It has texture, and every once in a while a lump that managed to miss the super-duper blender blades. I am a most happy camper.
Today I had tomato basil soup. It was so good, and I was in so much ecstasy that I thought I was having a heart attack.
It was glorious!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Road to Recovery
It's been four days since the surgery, and I gotta tell you, it went easier than I hoped. Except for the fact that a hospital is no place to seek rest and solitude, it wasn't even that painful!
The surgeon came in to explain it all again and to make sure I didn't have any questions. He told me what to expect once he got finished, and confirmed that I was staying through the night. Don't remember much after that until waking up in the recovery room.
The surgery took a little longer than expected because of a slight complication. I had a hiatal hernia that had to be repaired before the lap-band could be placed. It also means a little longer recovery period than the average two to three weeks. It also means that I have to be on a soft diet longer than first anticipated.
The next morning I got the fun news. I had to have an x-ray to confirm that the band was in correct position, and fortunately it was. That wasn't the fun news. The FUN news was that I also had to take my first swallow, not of broth or water, but contrast barium so they could make sure it all went down the way it was supposed to. I think he neglected to tell me that part. The test itself wasn't hard but the stuff tasted like some kind of antibacterial soap. Not what I envisioned my first taste to be. But it went down perfectly, so I could go home that afternoon.
I was given a prescription for both pain and nausea but have not needed either one. The pain that I had from the three small and one larger incision was minimal, and the stomach really didn't hurt. But, they do pump your abdominal cavity with gas to better see what is happening. And the gas traveled to my left shoulder. That was what hurt! Four days later it is better but I am reminded every time I take a deep breath that it still hasn't completely dissipated. And I still have a little swelling in my belly area. And more than a few bruises!
The first day home, I could only take three or four sips until I felt like I had taken three bites too many at the Thanksgiving table! Trying to get the protein drinks down made me feel miserable and bloated all day. But each day I am able to take in more at a time, and I am hoping that today I will be able to get down the necessary grams of proteins needed.
I do have to say that I am really, really sick of broth! Having had that every day since New Years has made me actually look forward to having my instant breakfast drinks just to change the routine. But it is temporary. In two more days, I can start trying to have some creamy soups and thin cream of wheat (no oatmeal - it sticks to your innards!) Which is okay with me because I actually like cream of wheat. Something new to look forward to!
When I made the decision to have the surgery, I weighed 302 pounds. After being on the diet for two weeks I went down to 284. When I checked into the hospital, it was 281. When I came home it was 287. Stupid glucose IVs and gas!
But each day the weight has decreased, and this morning's reading was 277. I am pleased, but at the same time a little unsure if that is too much too fast. I go back to the doctor on Thursday, so I guess I will find out then.
It would be nice if it did continue to come off that fast once I start introducing solid foods.
I got rid of my first pair of too big jeans. I am on my way!
The surgeon came in to explain it all again and to make sure I didn't have any questions. He told me what to expect once he got finished, and confirmed that I was staying through the night. Don't remember much after that until waking up in the recovery room.
The surgery took a little longer than expected because of a slight complication. I had a hiatal hernia that had to be repaired before the lap-band could be placed. It also means a little longer recovery period than the average two to three weeks. It also means that I have to be on a soft diet longer than first anticipated.
The next morning I got the fun news. I had to have an x-ray to confirm that the band was in correct position, and fortunately it was. That wasn't the fun news. The FUN news was that I also had to take my first swallow, not of broth or water, but contrast barium so they could make sure it all went down the way it was supposed to. I think he neglected to tell me that part. The test itself wasn't hard but the stuff tasted like some kind of antibacterial soap. Not what I envisioned my first taste to be. But it went down perfectly, so I could go home that afternoon.
I was given a prescription for both pain and nausea but have not needed either one. The pain that I had from the three small and one larger incision was minimal, and the stomach really didn't hurt. But, they do pump your abdominal cavity with gas to better see what is happening. And the gas traveled to my left shoulder. That was what hurt! Four days later it is better but I am reminded every time I take a deep breath that it still hasn't completely dissipated. And I still have a little swelling in my belly area. And more than a few bruises!
The first day home, I could only take three or four sips until I felt like I had taken three bites too many at the Thanksgiving table! Trying to get the protein drinks down made me feel miserable and bloated all day. But each day I am able to take in more at a time, and I am hoping that today I will be able to get down the necessary grams of proteins needed.
I do have to say that I am really, really sick of broth! Having had that every day since New Years has made me actually look forward to having my instant breakfast drinks just to change the routine. But it is temporary. In two more days, I can start trying to have some creamy soups and thin cream of wheat (no oatmeal - it sticks to your innards!) Which is okay with me because I actually like cream of wheat. Something new to look forward to!
When I made the decision to have the surgery, I weighed 302 pounds. After being on the diet for two weeks I went down to 284. When I checked into the hospital, it was 281. When I came home it was 287. Stupid glucose IVs and gas!
But each day the weight has decreased, and this morning's reading was 277. I am pleased, but at the same time a little unsure if that is too much too fast. I go back to the doctor on Thursday, so I guess I will find out then.
It would be nice if it did continue to come off that fast once I start introducing solid foods.
I got rid of my first pair of too big jeans. I am on my way!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
A New Life Starting Tomorrow
This entry will be short and sweet! Everything is a go! Got the final check up yesterday from the surgeon and did my pre-registration at the hospital. I was extremely pleased that I had lost 18 pounds in a little over two weeks. Of course, when you are only sipping your food you have not choice but to lose weight!
The surgery will be considered day surgery, but I will spend the night so they can monitor me closely. I think my aneurysm surgery makes them be very conservative on my care. Fine by me!
So, in a few days, after I have gotten my feet back on the ground, I will update you all. Maybe by that time I will have gotten my super duper blender and can share some recipes with you!
Thanks for all the good wishes and prayers!
The surgery will be considered day surgery, but I will spend the night so they can monitor me closely. I think my aneurysm surgery makes them be very conservative on my care. Fine by me!
So, in a few days, after I have gotten my feet back on the ground, I will update you all. Maybe by that time I will have gotten my super duper blender and can share some recipes with you!
Thanks for all the good wishes and prayers!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
The Countdown Begins!
Only three more days! I know I am mentally ready for what is to come. Even though I will still be on a liquid diet for 3 more weeks (I get chunky soup the 3rd), I know now I can handle that part. I even spent a fortune on a super-duper blender/puree/does everything blender to make soups from fresh veggies and smoothies from fresh fruit instead of just eating the canned stuff. A new way to cook and eat!
I am a teensy worried that while I am close to the preferred twenty pound loss, I have not yet reached it. I am down sixteen pounds since I started, and I am hoping that is enough. While I am fat all over, I retained most of it around the middle. That's the really bad kind to have. I mention this because while I haven't reached my goal, I am noticeably thinner around my stomach area. So I am hoping it will be enough. I go tomorrow, but I still have two and a half days to lose four more pounds. It's doable.
I thought it only fair in order to be as our government has promised "transparent", to show you what I look like as of today. I am calling it my official "before" picture. The one in my profile was used on the cover of my book, and it was taken in August before I decided to start my lap-band journey. This one was taken a couple of days ago. So, fellow followers, be kind.
Maybe I am not very transparent; my sister-in-law told me it should have been a full length. I ain't that brave yet. However, I promise the rest of them will be. So here goes...
Man, that is really hard to do, put it out there for all the world to see. Ok, maybe not the whole world since I only have a limited following. Anyway, I am trying to be as forthcoming as I can be. Anybody who knows me well understands how difficult this is because I have never enjoyed having my picture taken, even when I was "thin." I have always felt lacking. Or that I would not measure up to someone's standards. But being on this journey has helped me to better understand it and "get over it" easier. Heck, I hitchhiked with three ladies I met in the restroom in the Atlanta airport. This should be a piece of cake!
I will tell you one thing about being on a liquid diet. I really miss the chewing and crunching. I can't wait to have that back, in the required portions!
Til next time... I've confessed all I can today.
I am a teensy worried that while I am close to the preferred twenty pound loss, I have not yet reached it. I am down sixteen pounds since I started, and I am hoping that is enough. While I am fat all over, I retained most of it around the middle. That's the really bad kind to have. I mention this because while I haven't reached my goal, I am noticeably thinner around my stomach area. So I am hoping it will be enough. I go tomorrow, but I still have two and a half days to lose four more pounds. It's doable.
I thought it only fair in order to be as our government has promised "transparent", to show you what I look like as of today. I am calling it my official "before" picture. The one in my profile was used on the cover of my book, and it was taken in August before I decided to start my lap-band journey. This one was taken a couple of days ago. So, fellow followers, be kind.
Maybe I am not very transparent; my sister-in-law told me it should have been a full length. I ain't that brave yet. However, I promise the rest of them will be. So here goes...
Man, that is really hard to do, put it out there for all the world to see. Ok, maybe not the whole world since I only have a limited following. Anyway, I am trying to be as forthcoming as I can be. Anybody who knows me well understands how difficult this is because I have never enjoyed having my picture taken, even when I was "thin." I have always felt lacking. Or that I would not measure up to someone's standards. But being on this journey has helped me to better understand it and "get over it" easier. Heck, I hitchhiked with three ladies I met in the restroom in the Atlanta airport. This should be a piece of cake!
I will tell you one thing about being on a liquid diet. I really miss the chewing and crunching. I can't wait to have that back, in the required portions!
Til next time... I've confessed all I can today.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
On the Way to My New Look
One week left. I think I am ready. I have been following the strict liquid diet (okay I did cheat and put onion slices in the broth for flavor) and have lost eleven pounds in a week and a half. Still have a few more to go to get to the preferred twenty, but the weight is falling off daily now. It is pretty neat to see the weight come off, until you remember how you lost it by not eating a thing for quite a few days. It is a pretty sad day when you look forward to "chewing" your sugar free jello.
I saw my cardiologist, and got the all-clear. That was a big hurdle. He seemed pleased that I had taken the step to lose the weight. I was pleased that my heart rate and ekg were "very good" showing no problems. And, since I dropped a few pounds my blood pressure was better than good!
The next step was to pay a visit to the family doctor. He is also excited that I am going through the process. We discussed several options for my medicines, and I now have a working plan. He told me he thought I would end up being a happy camper, and jokingly told me that I could end up looking like him. I told him I wouldn't mind the fit look but could do with not having his "hunting beard" he grows during deer season.
He almost fell off the chair laughing when I told him the name of my blog. Guess he knows about the 4-F, too!
I got a call from the hospital day surgery unit today, so that process is getting started.
Also went to the CPA... her advice was to "get a job ASAP" . I suppose she wasn't too impressed that I was going to charge the medical expenses.
Lastly, I talked to my best friend down here and made sure she could get me to the hospital EARLY next week. I think I am really going to have to pay back some big time favors.
But by that time, she and I will be able to shop in the same clothing stores and I will no longer be just the extra clothes rack when we go on a shopping spree.
Nope, I am reducing my 4-F status down another notch. I will soon be rejoining the buyers market with gusto. That's IF I do as my financial guru says and get a job ASAP.
I think my Macy's card is still good! Look out Mall!
I saw my cardiologist, and got the all-clear. That was a big hurdle. He seemed pleased that I had taken the step to lose the weight. I was pleased that my heart rate and ekg were "very good" showing no problems. And, since I dropped a few pounds my blood pressure was better than good!
The next step was to pay a visit to the family doctor. He is also excited that I am going through the process. We discussed several options for my medicines, and I now have a working plan. He told me he thought I would end up being a happy camper, and jokingly told me that I could end up looking like him. I told him I wouldn't mind the fit look but could do with not having his "hunting beard" he grows during deer season.
He almost fell off the chair laughing when I told him the name of my blog. Guess he knows about the 4-F, too!
I got a call from the hospital day surgery unit today, so that process is getting started.
Also went to the CPA... her advice was to "get a job ASAP" . I suppose she wasn't too impressed that I was going to charge the medical expenses.
Lastly, I talked to my best friend down here and made sure she could get me to the hospital EARLY next week. I think I am really going to have to pay back some big time favors.
But by that time, she and I will be able to shop in the same clothing stores and I will no longer be just the extra clothes rack when we go on a shopping spree.
Nope, I am reducing my 4-F status down another notch. I will soon be rejoining the buyers market with gusto. That's IF I do as my financial guru says and get a job ASAP.
I think my Macy's card is still good! Look out Mall!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I Really Can't Leave Home Without It
Ok, people, the time is nearing. Only a week and a half to go! I am more than ready to get started on that part of the journey.
I have been on my liquid diet for a week now. And when I say liquid, I truly mean an ALL liquid routine! Five packages of sugar-free instant breakfast, one every 3 hours, for the nutrients. Beef, chicken, or vegetable broth, sugar-free jello (just to have something to chew on, I suppose), and all the coffee, tea, and low cal drinks I can handle. The goal is to drop a rapid 15-20 lbs in order for the surgeon to "see" the stomach area more clearly and get rid of liver fat, which apparently melts off first. I also think it is to prepare me for the small amounts of food I will be able to nosh on after the surgery.
Of course, since I am a 4-F SWF of older persuasion, "handling" the drinking of so much liquid presents its own set of challenges. You know what I mean, or do I have to explain it to you???
Since I have to drink pretty much all day long, I don't roam far from the house. Sitting in the house with the TV on all day long is not a very good option, since all the commercials on EVERY network involve food or dieting after eating too much food. Knowing I can't have that for a while, that isn't much fun. So, I have been inventing little errands to run just to pass the time away. However, that requires a lot of logistical planning, because I CAN'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT!
Now, many of my friends will tell you that this problem is nothing new. And that is partly true, since I have been the brunt of the jokes about my "problem" from those in my inner circle for years. You see, I never met a bathroom I didn't like...
Now, in defense, it really is a legit problem. I know this will border on TMI, but I did promise to be honest. My bladder never grew to adult size, so I can't hold the same amount as a normal adult. When I was teaching, they used to joke that as soon as the bell rang I would be the first out the door heading for the ladies' room. And I really got laughed at when one of those trips kept me locked in for over two hours because the lock broke. They had to call a locksmith. But I will save that story for another time.
The bottom line is I pee. A lot. And now that I am on the liquid diet, and the weather is colder, well I make a lot of extra stops in a two hour trip. I know where every clean public restroom is within a twenty mile radius of my house.
HEB Grocery Store is my favorite. One stop shopping in the real sense. I can spend an hour going up and down the aisles looking at all the now forbidden food, knowing that I can take a time out any time I need to. Walmart and Lowe's aren't too bad either. Of course, if I plan my mall browsing just right, there are all sorts of great possibilities.
When I am home, I am drinking something all day long. I have found creative ways to combine the broths to make vegetable beef or chicken vegetable broths. Add a few spices, and it actually is tolerable. Of course, since I am sipping more and more, I make more and more trips to the potty. I cannot wait to get this month's water bill.
Ten more days before surgery, two more weeks after that, then a gradual reintroduction to solid foods. But in the mean time, I drink and drink and drink....
I really can't leave home without it!
I have been on my liquid diet for a week now. And when I say liquid, I truly mean an ALL liquid routine! Five packages of sugar-free instant breakfast, one every 3 hours, for the nutrients. Beef, chicken, or vegetable broth, sugar-free jello (just to have something to chew on, I suppose), and all the coffee, tea, and low cal drinks I can handle. The goal is to drop a rapid 15-20 lbs in order for the surgeon to "see" the stomach area more clearly and get rid of liver fat, which apparently melts off first. I also think it is to prepare me for the small amounts of food I will be able to nosh on after the surgery.
Of course, since I am a 4-F SWF of older persuasion, "handling" the drinking of so much liquid presents its own set of challenges. You know what I mean, or do I have to explain it to you???
Since I have to drink pretty much all day long, I don't roam far from the house. Sitting in the house with the TV on all day long is not a very good option, since all the commercials on EVERY network involve food or dieting after eating too much food. Knowing I can't have that for a while, that isn't much fun. So, I have been inventing little errands to run just to pass the time away. However, that requires a lot of logistical planning, because I CAN'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT!
Now, many of my friends will tell you that this problem is nothing new. And that is partly true, since I have been the brunt of the jokes about my "problem" from those in my inner circle for years. You see, I never met a bathroom I didn't like...
Now, in defense, it really is a legit problem. I know this will border on TMI, but I did promise to be honest. My bladder never grew to adult size, so I can't hold the same amount as a normal adult. When I was teaching, they used to joke that as soon as the bell rang I would be the first out the door heading for the ladies' room. And I really got laughed at when one of those trips kept me locked in for over two hours because the lock broke. They had to call a locksmith. But I will save that story for another time.
The bottom line is I pee. A lot. And now that I am on the liquid diet, and the weather is colder, well I make a lot of extra stops in a two hour trip. I know where every clean public restroom is within a twenty mile radius of my house.
HEB Grocery Store is my favorite. One stop shopping in the real sense. I can spend an hour going up and down the aisles looking at all the now forbidden food, knowing that I can take a time out any time I need to. Walmart and Lowe's aren't too bad either. Of course, if I plan my mall browsing just right, there are all sorts of great possibilities.
When I am home, I am drinking something all day long. I have found creative ways to combine the broths to make vegetable beef or chicken vegetable broths. Add a few spices, and it actually is tolerable. Of course, since I am sipping more and more, I make more and more trips to the potty. I cannot wait to get this month's water bill.
Ten more days before surgery, two more weeks after that, then a gradual reintroduction to solid foods. But in the mean time, I drink and drink and drink....
I really can't leave home without it!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Second Doubts
I had a pretty good holiday season and was anxious to get going on the next leg of my adventure. Because I didn't want to be tempted by all the trimmings that go along with Christmas and New Years, I stayed pretty close to home most days. A habit I have is keeping the TV on for the background noise when I am alone in the house. But that darn TV got me to thinking in directions I really didn't want to go.
One day I was really bored and started counting all the food commercials on TV, many of which were followed by diet and exercise commercials. It was staggering, but I reasoned that the food commercials were here to stay and the exercise/diet commercials were seriously taking advantage of the guilt that most of us get for even thinking about the extra piece of pie or the extra egg nog.
The diet commercials did their job. They planted a seed. They made me doubt the need for the lap-band surgery.
I had always told myself that the best way was to make the lifestyle changes I needed to make about food choices and especially portion control. I wanted to do it on my own, and I was serious this time about sticking to it. I saw the "success" stories of all the people who lost 30, 40, or even 50 lbs holding their jeans up. I saw the stories of the atypical person who lost 100 lbs. I wanted to be one of those people. If they could do it, why couldn't I be one of the "results not typical" people?
Then I realized the one important thing: I will NEVER be one of those people.
The simple truth is, I eat too much. And being by myself, I find it hard to exercise portion control. I have tried. But my resolve only lasts a few days. Not having anybody to yell or slap my hand, it just eventually goes by the wayside. Oh, I would lose a couple of pounds, but gain them right back within three days. That stupid cycle thing again...
Last December 15th, I had my final required insurance meeting with my doctor. He was disappointed that I had only lost a half a pound since first coming in. He didn't seem impressed that I lost weight after my trip back East in October. I did gain it all back after being home a couple of weeks. And he didn't want to hear that I maintained my weight Thanksgiving week. I had actually gained and lost four November pounds. And there I was, in his office, one week before my 60th birthday and Christmas, and HE was disappointed.
So, the Sunday after Christmas I started transitioning to my serious weight-losing mode. And I lost 3 pounds in 4 days. Good, right? Then came New Year's Eve and the next day. Back to square one again! I hate this freakin' cycle!
Yesterday, I finished cooking my final "real" meal for a few months. I drank my first instant breakfast and will only have liquids until at least a couple of weeks after my surgery. But, I have also learned something else about myself. And this one is an important one!
I have never done well with shouldn't. However, I AM a rule follower. I can do "can't." There is, in my mind and willpower, a huge difference between "I shouldn't eat that" and "I can't eat that." I am now using the idea that I am allergic to food and can't have it, just like I can't take certain medicines because I am allergic. It will be hard, especially if I am around all the smells of food and drink when I am out and about. But I must do this. If I don't lose the weight before the surgery, and keep it off, the doctor will not do the surgery.
I dreamed last night of crunchy tacos - loaded with all the goodies. I was looking in the restaurant, nose and hands pressed to the window as tears ran down my cheeks. All the people were laughing and looking at me as they deliberately took a long, slow bite of their tacos, licking their lips and sipping their margaritas. Part of me didn't want to wake up because I wanted to keep staring at those greasy tacos.
When I finally got up, I got out the packaged breakfast.
I may be single, and I may be a 3 or 4 F woman with issues, but by golly, I am developing will power.
I will do this! I WILL have a Happy New Year!
One day I was really bored and started counting all the food commercials on TV, many of which were followed by diet and exercise commercials. It was staggering, but I reasoned that the food commercials were here to stay and the exercise/diet commercials were seriously taking advantage of the guilt that most of us get for even thinking about the extra piece of pie or the extra egg nog.
The diet commercials did their job. They planted a seed. They made me doubt the need for the lap-band surgery.
I had always told myself that the best way was to make the lifestyle changes I needed to make about food choices and especially portion control. I wanted to do it on my own, and I was serious this time about sticking to it. I saw the "success" stories of all the people who lost 30, 40, or even 50 lbs holding their jeans up. I saw the stories of the atypical person who lost 100 lbs. I wanted to be one of those people. If they could do it, why couldn't I be one of the "results not typical" people?
Then I realized the one important thing: I will NEVER be one of those people.
The simple truth is, I eat too much. And being by myself, I find it hard to exercise portion control. I have tried. But my resolve only lasts a few days. Not having anybody to yell or slap my hand, it just eventually goes by the wayside. Oh, I would lose a couple of pounds, but gain them right back within three days. That stupid cycle thing again...
Last December 15th, I had my final required insurance meeting with my doctor. He was disappointed that I had only lost a half a pound since first coming in. He didn't seem impressed that I lost weight after my trip back East in October. I did gain it all back after being home a couple of weeks. And he didn't want to hear that I maintained my weight Thanksgiving week. I had actually gained and lost four November pounds. And there I was, in his office, one week before my 60th birthday and Christmas, and HE was disappointed.
So, the Sunday after Christmas I started transitioning to my serious weight-losing mode. And I lost 3 pounds in 4 days. Good, right? Then came New Year's Eve and the next day. Back to square one again! I hate this freakin' cycle!
Yesterday, I finished cooking my final "real" meal for a few months. I drank my first instant breakfast and will only have liquids until at least a couple of weeks after my surgery. But, I have also learned something else about myself. And this one is an important one!
I have never done well with shouldn't. However, I AM a rule follower. I can do "can't." There is, in my mind and willpower, a huge difference between "I shouldn't eat that" and "I can't eat that." I am now using the idea that I am allergic to food and can't have it, just like I can't take certain medicines because I am allergic. It will be hard, especially if I am around all the smells of food and drink when I am out and about. But I must do this. If I don't lose the weight before the surgery, and keep it off, the doctor will not do the surgery.
I dreamed last night of crunchy tacos - loaded with all the goodies. I was looking in the restaurant, nose and hands pressed to the window as tears ran down my cheeks. All the people were laughing and looking at me as they deliberately took a long, slow bite of their tacos, licking their lips and sipping their margaritas. Part of me didn't want to wake up because I wanted to keep staring at those greasy tacos.
When I finally got up, I got out the packaged breakfast.
I may be single, and I may be a 3 or 4 F woman with issues, but by golly, I am developing will power.
I will do this! I WILL have a Happy New Year!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)