Mourning Losses

These past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster ride. So many ups and downs. Kinda like the dieting game. Two steps forward, one step back. In many ways its been more like two back and only one forward.

I had a revelation a couple of days ago. That psychologist was right. You will need to let go of your old body and rejoice in your new one. So, it's okay to mourn for a second or two the fact that you can't have the big ole cheeseburger with the chili fries. It's okay if you spill something that stains your favorite top because it is too big on you anyway. It is okay to miss the old you. But it is more fun to rejoice the new you.

I finally went down below 270 this week. I should be rejoicing. It was a big milestone I had set for myself, but I couldn't enjoy it. I was mourning other losses.

My good friend down here, who has been with me through all my diet angst, lost her mother today. It was not unexpected, but it was still very hard. I had gotten to know her parents as "winter Texans" and they readily just accepted me as another of their kids. I rejoiced that all five of them were together with their mom one last time, but I mourned the fact that we all knew she would soon be gone. I felt their pain, and yet they did so much for me by accepting me into their circle, no questions asked. Having gone through losing my parents, I knew it would be a long time for the pain in their hearts to subside.

When I got home late last night from the hospital, I received notice that my uncle had passed away. It also was not unexpected, but again I mourned his loss. He was a kind man to me and he loved my mom. I will miss him a lot.

In going back and forth from the hospital, I did not eat well. I got off schedule, didn't get my protein, and made many poor food choices. And even though I lost a couple of pounds, it was not lost the right way. I fully expect to have gained a pound by in the morning. I was once again stress eating. Not a good idea at any time.

You need to mourn the losses, but you also need to embrace and celebrate the new bodies you will get. Both the physical and the spiritual ones. That is your gift to yourself, and God's gift to us all.

So, bye, Momma Dolores. Thank you for "adopting" me. I will miss you, but in your new home, you will be healthy and just as spunky as ever. All your kids will be fine.

Have a safe journey, Uncle Lester. I love you a lot.

cindy windy seebadoff saathoff....