I Am Not Functional

I have determined that my life is in a non-functioning phase. My biorhythms must be at all time lows. The signs have all been there, but I was lured into falsehoods and blissful ignorance on so many levels.

When I retired, I thought I could live on my retirement with a few hundred bucks earned through a part time job. I foolishly let myself believe that for over a year. Now the joke's on me. I must work full time in order to make ends meet. What was I thinking?

I was thinking that it would be easy for an older woman to get a part time job because we have all heard the rumors that this younger generation doesn't want to work as hard as I would. I was thinking that even though there is still a lot of misbelief that "those who can't, teach." I was determined that I would show them all.

They usually say, first the body goes, then the mind. Well, fellow readers, I am right on track to keep that myth percolating!

If my body hadn't gone south, I probably would not be writing this blog weekly. And I discovered this past week that my thinking has been just short of delusional for a very long time. Ergo, I am not functioning...

I didn't count on the economy being so bad that after forty years of working and still kinda young that I would be competing for an entry level position with CPA's and PhD's looking for any sort of income. I didn't think that I would have to explain myself so thoroughly because my well thought out resume said it all for me. And I had a killer cover letter. Or so I thought until I met with a professional job placement expert.

She told me that nobody writes resumes in chronological order, unless it is for a specific job requirement to show continuity. She further told me that nobody cared that I had banking and financial experience over 20 years earlier because technology has changed that field so much that my skills were basically archaic. And above all, I had absolutely no skills listed on my resume. That piece of paper that I thought gave a great picture of my professional life was bordering on being  prehistoric! She gave me "homework" to look up the definition of a functional resume and to start reinventing myself sooner rather than later.

My professional told me that my resume said "retired" and not really wanting to be "rehired." At that point I was hoping that  somebody would hire me out of pity. But the problem was, those other unemployed professionals were wanting a little of that same pity.

So I went home and started the reinvention of  "me." I turned my lesson plans in to planning and scheduling experience. I turned my grades into timely record keeping. I called my frustrated phone calls to parents to tell them their kids were non-functioning into "proactive problem solving to ensure success." Who says teachers can't "do?"

As I was stressing out over all of this, I found myself migrating to the refrigerator way too often. So not only did my professional life need changing, I realized my personal health and goals that I set were off their collective functional trails. I quickly determined that I seriously needed to get back on all the right tracks.

I have resent out all my updated resumes to everybody I could think of. I have four days until my regular doctor appointment to lose some weight to show progress. I fully expect a scolding and a fairly large "fill" in my lap-band. I have had very little done since March because of all the other stuff going on, but I didn't overly stretch myself into maintaining restraint in my eating habits. Not good at all!

I am not functional, and I ain't too proud of that right now.

Well, necessity is the mother of invention, so maybe by this time next week, I will have made a turnaround.

Wish me luck!