His Grace is Endless

I am not an overly religious person. I don't regularly go to church. But I have found myself thinking more and more about God and his presence in my life. And how He has always known where to send me.

Even when I was younger and a regular church goer, I don't think I saw the church as anything more than an institution. A place where some people just went to see and be seen. I have always known that my beliefs come from deep within, and that I didn't have to be in a formal house to have a moment to talk to Him.

I have been blessed these last few years, especially since my life was spared from the about-to-burst aneurysm. I recognized it then, laying in the intensive care, listening to what was going on around me when they thought I was asleep. I knew He saved my life for a purpose, and I have been truly struggling to find out the real reason for it. I still haven't found out the total why, but I have found out what it is I should NOT worry about.

I took a job last year because I felt I was desperate for money. I had lots of bills to pay; the publishing of my book was expensive, and it ain't cheap living on an island here in the states. Taxes and insurance take a HUGE bite out of my income. But I didn't move here to be rich, just retired! However, I let the idea of needing more money dictate my sanity. And guess what? It didn't work! Instead, it began to take my soul.

That all changed for me in April. It was as if God, in His wisdom, gave me a peek at what my life would be like if he granted my wish of  "comfortable money." The price would have been my sanity, and perhaps even my spirit. And even though my friends, every single one of them, told me regularly that something better would soon be coming my way, I found it hard to believe when I was asked to pull out my checkbook every day to pay a bill with money I barely had.

I was probably at my lowest when the phone rang. You know what happened - - I told the story in my last blog. What I am here to tell you is that it has been nothing but GOOD news every day since. And it just keeps piling on!

Since I got the news that I was hired, my medical situation has vastly improved. The meds the doctor put me on for my myalgia and arthritis has helped my physical and my mental mood. The heart doctor gave me a thumbs up. My colonoscopy was infinitely better than last year. I only had one precancerous polyp, and my diverticulosis was greatly improved. My regular doctor has officially taken me off my asthma maintenance medicine and my antidepressants. My blood pressure is good, and the weight has begun to again fall off.

I have prayed often and fervently for God to help me or show me what He wanted of me, that I was at my wit's end. But I think He wanted me to understand what it was I needed. I now feel I get it.

You see, I didn't need money, although He has given that to me. I didn't need the lot behind me. Someone else needed it, and they are building a house on it. And though it is close to my back yard, it didn't sell until my bird-of-paradise plant got big enough to block most of the view of me in my swimsuit in the pool! (I hope they appreciate all the money I put into watering and fertilizing that thing to spare them that...)

I didn't need money to help my niece and nephew. Got sent a buyer to their parents' ranch; they will be taken care of.

I didn't need to travel. All I have ever wanted is here, by the ocean. The smells, the views, the beauty of the flora and fauna. The only thing missing is my BFF, but even that is looking up!

What I needed was to be happy and feel useful. And now I am just that.

When you get older, and especially when you are alone, it is easy to get lonely and shut yourself away from the world. I did not want that, and I was beginning to feel it creep into my bones. And that was beginning to make me feel useless and wasted.

It took two really nice ladies and their daughter to take that away from me in just one day. I cannot begin to tell you how much I am enjoying my new job. Forgotten is all the "you're not what we are looking for" and the "don't call me; I'll call you" looks I had been getting. Gone is the waiting for the phone to ring, hoping it would be a job offer.

I am not sure why else God has sent me to this new place, but I sure am happy He has. And although I am a year behind in my weight loss goals, maybe this is the summer I will hit it. I am off some of my medicines, and I am inching downward in the weight. And when it is wet, my bathing suit is on the saggy side. I just have a feeling it is not going to be usable next year!

I was listening to Joel Osteen on television this morning, and his preaching was all about how when God closes one door, He opens the next. You may not know what is on the other side, but He DOES hope that you walk through it.

I have done that, and I am happily awaiting to see what is on the other side. I am sure there will be some detours and other doors to shut and open. But I am finally ready for that journey.

His Grace is indeed Endless!